Karaoke Forums

If an ex wife/husband/girlfriend or boyfriend dropped in while you were singing karaoke, would you try and sing better or end up singing worse than usual?

All depends.  I might not care, or I might leave the bar right away depending on who she was with.  I generally don't like seeing ex's.  As to my singing, I wouldn't care... Ex's have usually been exposed at some point to the ugly aspects of me anyway.... When I'm in the bathroom, flatulance, and the really gross stuff that comes out've my mouth or what I think is singing..

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Thanks for the insight Steven.  I think we all have a clearer picture now about what makes Kappy tick.

No prob !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

I carry on as per usual.  Don't care about exes and I go where I want when I want.  They're exes, they no longer dictate my life.

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You can be strange but not a stranger

Thing is Don,  Unless a person is infatuated with an Ex,  why would they wish to contrive anything assuming the ex dropped by ?  Why should there be any effort expended on an Ex, unless the person hasn't gotten over the Ex ?  Just curious.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Because the head and the heart don't always see eye to eye.

to be honest, I always dreaded when an ex would drop by... not that I was infatuated with them, but fear of the opposite!

I can honestly say it's never happened, and I think that's amplified my fears a bit! !

I think I understand what you are asking now.


I'm one who makes it quite clear at the end of a relationship that there will be NO contact, no games, and that I realize at given times *BOTH* individuals might be more or less vulnerable to feeling emotional pain such as feelings of jealousy, so unless the woman wants me to end up despising her she MUST respect my space, and not use HER feelings as a gage of "proper time" for me to "get over things", (because her feelings are just that.. HER'S solely). Similarly I'll respect hers.  I don't stalk, or harrass by phone.. I communicate this VERY clearly ! A relationship that ended is a type of death, BOTH must get on with their lives without being forced to look back. Some can detach and remain friends, I can not !  Yes, the head is a tough thing to deal with when having to contend with emotion, this is a source of TREMENDOUS conflict, since few are stoic.. So I attempt to avoid such conflict WHENEVER I can. For me, intimate relationships can seldom revert back to casual friendships (assuming that ever really existed without ulterior motives to begin with). The times women have felt compelled to test this, they've ended up quite unhappy.. I will never, and have never competed for a female, succumbed to competitive ego aspects to impress, I'm a runner.. If I can't run I "go cold", ignore her and turn to stone.. I have to do this.  There's no turning back if it's clearly ended.. If it hasn't ended I'm vulnerable to getting hurt.. This was one of the toughest scenerio's I found with being in a "bar scene", because realistically, I tend NOT to trust women that spend much time at bars..Especially if they go alone, or with their friends...I'm not talking bar employee's, or entertainer's, yet in some cases WE were the sluttiest of them all...

I'll be quite honest here. In *MY* opinion, a bar is a hedonist's candy store, and nothing more.. Not a place I'd ever take a date.. I never respected people under the influence of alcohol, anymore than any other mind altering drug.. Bar's to me mean "cheap" behaviour. Having grownup during a pre-aid's time, I too was cheap, and a bar in the days I frequented them, and played them was one thing.. "A meat market". Bar's to me meant, and still mean "Sex, Liquor, and Rock and Roll"..Once I settled down, I didn't go to bars, I also didn't trust females I hustled at bars, yet WAS in fact vulnerable to being hurt by even one-nighter's I started to develop feelings for, it happens !  and that SUCKS...

There were MANY episode's where I felt vulnerable when employed by a venue in the past.  There were females I got attached to without wanting to, EVEN when no relationship could be established since there was no relationship..just a few hours.. neither person had any right to stake any claims, there was no communication in such relationships..they were just one-night stands, and these were plentiful. I did end up getting hurt at times..

I suppose I have a love/hate feeling regarding bars..  A bar to me doesn't mean "respectable" behaviour.. A bar CAN in fact become a "no holds barred emotional warfare theatre when it comes to unsettled relationships". Yet even early on, when I felt vulnerable to a female I met at a bar, and didn't have to return to the bar... Assuming I feared seeing her with another male,  or meeting another male.. I stayed away from that venue and went elsewhere... that CAN be painful.. I avoid that type of emotional discomfort at ALL expenses..

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

I would sing the same as I always do.

There are times where my ex-wife, ex-girlfriends and my current wife all sit at the same table and have a blast you'd swear they are long time friends. wierd huh!

I have only had one relationship in my life that ended badly and all the rest have remained good friends to this day.

Now if that one person (the bad one)  showed up to my show I would feel very uncomfortable and would be overly nervous that she would cause some sort of scene. Would it effect my singing?....maybe..I'm not sure, but I doubt it.

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FlipSide Karaoke
Scott

I've had a few really bad experiences with exes "dropping in" places where I hang/sing.

A few of them came solo and just lurked and shot me hateful looks...A few came solo and attached themselves to me and hissed at any other females in reach....Then there were a few who "dropped in" with a new squeeze and started crap with me and caused their new boyfriend to get his nose broke or worse...I put several new boyfriends in the hospital and risked jail/injury because of that crap. One ex keyed my new Trans Am badly one night.

Anymore, if an ex shows up, I'm out the door....I ain't got time for exes and they don't need to make time for me.

My second wife has a key to my house...She can visit anytime she wants if I am home or not....My third wife cut my fence last year and stole a horse. If she ever shows up again, I'll bust her in the nose like I would a man...She knows that and so far, she has stayed away.

I've also had problems with ex boyfriends/husbands....I've had more than one call me in the middle of the night from pay phones saying they was going to burn me out/kill me/gut me and whatever....One guy camped out across the road from my house in his pick-up all night/every night that his ex was in my bed...I broke his nose and his jaw when he approached me one night in a bar all bowed up and spitting crap about how he was going to kill me.

I don't like exes....Either her's or mine...They just need to stay away and go on with their life and become invisible like I try to do.

It's funny Keith, because when I was typing my earlier post today I was realizing that there are people that have an easier time dealing with ex's than I do.. I figured some wouldn't be as phased in certain cases (of course there would be exceptions in pretty ugly relationship endings), yet I was thinking of some that CAN remain friends with certain Ex's... I assumed you'd have an easier time in general remaining on decent terms when compared to most in a similar situation.


And Flipper, true, there are always exceptions. certain relationships just go on borrowed time, they actually ended long before the two people part ways..and it's a relief to both, depends on terms I suppose. Usually when I don't mind running into someone who's an Ex.  It doesn't mean she has an easy time tho, many factor's of course... Depends on many things. Time that has passed, has something to do with it as well. How happy each individual is at the current point in their life too of course.. If I was with a dream woman, and ran into an ex from an ugly point in my life, I'd certain deal with it. Each individual recover's from relationships at a different rate. If I'm happy with current life, but she's lonely, I'd expect it to be tougher for her in such an instance..Some relationships just grow apart, and there's no reason for ego to interfere, staying together is hell, and being apart is a blessing for both, and being OUT'VE the relationship which became a setence of sorts, is peaceful.  In such cases it's easier for the "head" to rule, because the heart isn't there anymore and both HAVE accepted  what must be.

Some really are friends first, and lover's second, and can deal with staying friends because they realize the relationship blind-sighted friendship. They don't wish to lose a friend... I've always thought it takes a REALLY strong person, to be able to stay friends tho...  I can't imagine it's easy... Strong emotion is a tough tough thing to deal with for both parties... In my case, my head loses when given a chance to compete with emotion.

In all honestly,  I'm hoping as I age, (and the damned testosterone dwindles) I'm able to end my relationship with "ego", meaing that my EGO can become an "ex"... It's a horrible thing in some cases... Jealousy isn't fun. nor is hurt. Being too proud is selfish, and does little good.

There was always something I couldn't apply or understand in these "12 step" groups...

"Detach with love".  Dang.... How brutally difficult !!  IMHO

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Steven, I can honestly say that jealousy has never motivated me.

But by GOD, if an ex decides she wants to insult me in public, or if her new squeeze attempts to insult me, then there is gonna be a fight.

I don't do jealousy, but I got a hair trigger whenever I'm insulted.

The best thing an ex and/or her new boyfriend can do is just leave me alone...I wish them the best.

What most new boyfriends don't stop to understand is 'there is a reason she is my ex'....If he gets all bowed up and tries to prove he is better than me, then he needs to back off and consider that I trashed her for a reason...A reason he too will discover someday when she screws him like she did me....If he has nuff sense to understand that, then me n him will never have any problems, but if he acts like most guys round here, he will get his nose broke if he decides he needs to prove something......Some guys just can't accept the fact I've been there first....But what is worse is some refuse to see there is a valid reason I ain't still with her.

I try to establish necessary boundaries during, and towards the end of a relationship Keith.  Few relationship's have ended with the type of anger where she'd want to insult me, or I'd ever insult her... When they are over, a certain resignation takes place.. There's no desire to add salt to a wound for either party, kick dirt in the face of a person something once developed with, or in a sad sense, disturb the dead..When it's over, noone has won, both have lost that relationship... yet I don't get involved with potentially dangerous or nutty women anymore to begin with, yet of course as I told you at one point, it's happened, where police get called, and stories are made-up.... There are some nut's out there that are bitter vindictive jerks..Hopefully those types of women are LONG in my past... Usually, it's accepted that it's over tho, and the only thing I really fear is if a woman (I cared about) is in a place I'm in, and alcohol induced actions stifle thought, or conscientious behaviour . So in my case I suppose it would be jealousy.

From the very little I saw (in the past)of a few Ex's new relationships, the guy was quite mature and respectful, there wasn't malice intended...It would've just been the type of situation where "They show up". I'm usually so self protective, that she doesn't even get close, NO introductions, if I don't want to see her, I make it obvious with expression..

If I feel threatened to begin with, an Ex showing up NEVER get's a foot in the door with me... I go so cold she doesn't even dare approach to introduce me and her new partner, I have heavy armor. Most women usually know I'm not emotionally tough to begin with , so if they'd dare put me in a situation where either person is made to feel uncomfortable, it's OUR fault, not hers, we allowed her the opportunity to hurt us, this is how I see it..Sometimes I think as goofy is it sounds "Real men run like hell". Basically, I don't pretend to feel comfortable when I'm not... I take pride in the fact that I'm a quirky super-sensitive wuss...with no emotional backbone, and practically wear the T-shirt... She know's how I am.. There's no game, because I keep WAY distant, I have to... Assuming I've gotten over her, I don't care how the new partner acts... Assuming he's competitive, and feel's compelled to let me know how much better he is than me, I let him... Reason being, he's an a$$hole and a step down from me. She can have the loser,  the real threats to me, have always smiled looked down on me, and shook my hand saying, "I've heard about you Kappy, pleased to meet you"..... That makes me feel SMALL.. I suppose in most cases the guy's I've seen Ex's with, couldn't care less about me, and in some ways the guy's are like me...not overly aggressive, and often artistic....Yet I just don't want to know them, and if I don't want to see her, I make it OBVIOUS with body language, expression etc.

I try to avoid hurt and competition at all expenses, I don't do well in it.  Yet seldom get involved with women that are the type that would ever involve either partner, Ex or present in a battle of any sort... IF she show's up deliberately, she's violated an agreement we had regarding respect and I deal with it.  If she show's up accidently tho, that's when it can get tough... If I fall for a "fling" and run into her at the same bar and she's with another guy, as painful as it is, that's MY problem.. I let myself get too close, she was only a fling... yet that's along the lines of infatuation, it's PAINFUL...

Just how I deal with this stuff.... In this case bar's are tough, especially when an Ex tends to be more of a demonstrative type  

Back in the 70's though, I got attached when I couldn't help it..but I was selfish, and I don't like how I was.. Women weren't people to me. They were an addiction. Quantity back in those days had more value. It was an ugly period.. Yet times were different too.. I can't honestly say one of the reason's I became interested in learning guitar had nothing to do with females... Lead vocalists, and guitarists are somewhat power player's in a bands line-up.  Yet alot of women like the drummer's too... I suppose as a bassist, as much as I do LOVE the bass, I felt like second fiddle in a woman's eyes....given groupy situations at times...

I feel drummer jokes coming on,  somebody stop me !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Well Steven, it's different down here.....These women folks like to start trouble...They want to see men fight over them-especially if the man dumped them.

...These gals will get with a new man and tell him all kinds a stuff about how bad her ex treated her and get him all pumped up and ready to defend her honor....Then she will set it up to where they "drop in" on the ex so she can then innocently 'point out' her ex to her new man....Her new man knows the rules-he's got to then insult her ex or he won't look like a man to her.

It's a fools game where only the men lose if they decide to play....You don't back off from a guy down here or you will never again get laid...Word gets out that you are a puss....No woman round here will mess with you if she thinks you can't provide her some soap opera.

That's different than anyone I've been involved with Keith.  Sounds like a whole different class of girl... Actually that would be a source of a fight among a few of my friends who are biker's, mechanic's etc..different people with different upbringings, folk's here would end up 86'd and with a court summon's around here, the "solve it in the playground with fist's scenerio doesn't work around here) Also, guy's would avoid a girl like that who instigates, most don't want a record, a reputation, or trouble, they want privacy and space. Yet I never consider ending a relationship "dumping",  I can't do that now-adays, and haven't been able to for a LONG time.  If something existed between me and a person I was close with, and it ends... assuming my feelings die, that's REALLY tough to deal with for me as well, I feel horrible about it, and I feel ALOT of guilt, self-contempt to a degree, and that in general I'm not a good loving loyal person... Dumping is something I can't and won't do anymore...Regardless of how many times I might get dumped..  I suppose this is part of my "Do unto others" constitution even as a very non-religious person.

Sounds like what I knew back in the High School days, girl's might've did that type of thing in their teen's up here, some still do of course, yet it takes two...In the early 70's up here everyone had to fit into a category...  One time someone got all in a huff because she thought I was using the term "60's greaser" as some type of ethnic slang, she didn't understand late 60's, early 70's here in the Northeast kid's in my area HS were fit into five different categories, seemed everyone HAD to be categorized, and the five calibrations were.... Jocks, Greasers, Non-conformists, Freaks, Intellects... Jocks and greaser's of course were the two categories noone messed with, but the "greaser girl's" as they were called did some nasty stuff, especially the females.. games were rampant...many LOVED to play the type of games you speak of. Usually the :greaser: girl's were notorious for instigating fight's among groups of males, or two males...Funny thing is, when there was a group around here where there was fighting, and a bunch of motorcycles, it usually involved a woman inciting the fight, and was an "alpha-male brawl", sometimes even a few girls...... these folks had a more histrionic temper too, while "jock" girls tried the same thing, the jocks felt it important to be "cooler" when it came to dealing with the girl stuff, because "A jock isn't supposed to let a girl get to him"... Yet the "greasers" fought violently for their territory, and had a more histrionic temper, and honor meant left standing after a brawl..

I was sort've a non-conformist type, yet being a musician, I got along with most folks despite "category" in those days, because all liked rock and roll.... My friend Tucker was a bassist,  he was the "fonzy" type, some of these guy's WERE in fact the tougher hispanic guy's who solved everything with fists... His girlfriend shot him when she saw him with another guy, this wasn't common in the 70's in my area.. Homocides and domestic violence just wasn't that prevalent where I lived... Yet screwing around on spouses was ardent...Musical beds was something all parents seemed to be playing for the most part...It was prettys sick, so honor really was being stepped on left and right in those days.

As you say, that is a different type of girl, or location than what I know here as an adult...but yeah, there were guy's that even killed themselves over female siutations, of course now-adays there'd be a psychiatric diagnosis that didn't exist 30+ years ago, I don't know how teens and youngster's deal with this now-adays the first few breakups can be REALLY intense, and infatuation is the worst !! I learned from what I saw, and heard that I wanted to survive, didn't want to die over something that "will pass", yet when young EVERYTHING was intense, and felt like it was worth fighting for..Yet I can't see fighting over a person, if two want to be together they will be, nothing anyone needs to fight over IMHO, Yet I'd not get laid in your area I suppose Keith, as you say.... It's not a game I wish to play...if there is drama it's between me and the girl... NOT a spectator activity, Some things I don't wish to display, ironically few women up here would want to get involved with a guy who can't keep his cool in a relationship now-adays, VERY different folks in our locations I suppose, interesting tho...


(of course I don't get any up here now-adays either so six of one, half a dozen of the other)  

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Wow... drama up here in this topic...

Seeing as how I only have one ex, and he doesn't live around here I really don't have much to worry about. NOW... when my bf's ex comes in the bar (if she ever does) I'm pretty sure that even though I might not want to act this way, I will make sure I sing my little heart out and put her to shame! It's just my old insecurities that I know would come into play.

Plus, I can be super competitive. I'm ghetto, yo  8)

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Yuba area has a ghetto ?   I thought that area north of Sacramento was pretty nice.  I don't know fisthand, just an assumption I made from a few folk's I knew from CA.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

I have no problem with ex; I dont have one.

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I can neither confirm nor deny ever having or knowing anything about nothing.... mrscott

I would bust out my flawless performance of Ugly Kid Joe's "Everything about you"...and dedicate it to them right there on the spot.