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[quote="Steven Kaplan @ Thu Apr 06, 2006 8:55 am"][/quote]

, it censors the word here, but when doing the preview from the pre-screen, it doesn't.

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The kids nowdays are wrapped in many paranoid protective bubbles and shields. By the time they are adults they dont have a clue who self or god is for they were denied the right of passage which in the past was revered and practised by most tribes. Even Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness. In an effort to dry their wings kids turn to tv for life experience which is total fantasy and get in trouble in porn chat rooms because of the sexual puritism and radical denial in this country. Let The Children Sing!!!Let the Children Grow Up Before They Reach Adulthood!!!

Now, speaking of "sexual subjects".... I agree with you. I was raised that way, very strict, old fashioned southern parents. Sex was not talked about- it was private, and you were filthy minded if you spoke of it aloud. And, so....... when the time came, I never went to my mother about anything...... I snuck off to learn about it all on my own. Curiosity naturally comes to kids no matter HOW they are raised, it is part of growing up.

So, with my kids, I took the opposite approach. I figured, it would be best to get it all explained and out in the open.... and if a time ever came up when my kids needed to come to us..... they wouldn't shy away out of embarassment.  And it's worked well. While it's not a subject we discuss over dinner every night, it IS an open subject. Getting my husband to agree with me was a toughie, he didn't want to face letting our kids "know" that kinda stuff....... but it was like "get real, it comes from us and gets discussed openly and honestly, or they learn the twisted view of things by friends at school..... or creeps on the internet". And it's worked pretty well, it's not a "dirty subject" or something to be "hidden away".... if my kids have a question, they DO come ask.

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

A few years ago a young mother who is a very dear friend had a 5 year old daughter who was already exposed to this puritanical culture. They were looking through a magazine together and it had a picture of a nude woman back to the camera standing at a mountain lake. She said it was an awesome picture that showed beauty in it's most natural form. Her daughter sprang back and said "Oh thats a dirty picture!" My friend had a very heart to heart talk with that lil gal and explained the healthy interpetation of the picture.  Page 2 is that it was a National Geographic magazine.

Yeah, I don't believe in that. I mean, my kids are not allowed to VIEW dirty movies, magazines, or internet content..... cause they were taught that it is something for adults, not children..... but they would not say "it's dirty", more along the lines of "uh, oh.... I'm not supposed to be looking at that stuff.... gotta make sure mom doesn't see me".  LOL

Cause I'm nowhere near stupid enough to think their curiosity is not gonna come into play...... or that they'll actually LISTEN to every word I've said. I know they'll still sneak & do kids' stuff. I just hope my words ring in their heads.... and that they recall how I was willing to be open with them about it. (in case they ever need to talk)

But basically....... my kids are almost 13, 15, 17, almost 20..... and I'm still scared as hail about being the parent of teens.  :shock:

And now......I'm gonna shut up, I've went "off topic" (for the first time ever, mind you) ..... and I don't want anyone saying I've taken off with someone else's thread.

I'm done.  :wave:

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Which is interesting.  If I can no longer sign on one day,  I'll have an idea why

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

I find it interesting you think that prevents them.  I'd actually find it MORE interesting if it actually does prevent a male preteen (even under 13) from succumbing to "curiosity" as to "what adults enjoy", that's "not for children"... I was reading my fathers "naughty books" at 8.  I think I was found out because of a few word definitions I was inquiring about, and prophylactics ?   We were filling those with water and throwing them at cars at around 6...

If parents want their curious male kids NOT to literally get "into their drawers", they better pad lock them and hide the key VERY well.


Of course now I get nervous when my parents are over, and I have to step out for a few hours..  

I don't have the heart to alarm a few cabinets and drawers,  and walk home saying

"A HA caught you dad" !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Steven:



Read the REST of my post, dingbat....... gawd, but I hate when people misread or twist my words. ShyGuy.... not hijacking.... but I can't let this lie.



Meaning..... I KNOW dayum well they are gonna go out and be curious. Hail, I'd be worried if my kids DIDN'T.

I was simply saying.... when the time comes (which for each and every one of my kids, already HAS.... my youngest being almost 13).....

.....That I want my kids to know that their mom- does not think it a "gross, filthy subject" not to be discussed at home. I am open and honest with them on anything they have ever wanted to ask me.... That's my point. They are taught it's "natural" to have those thoughts, urges, and desires.... but that they, like in everything else, need to wait until they are old enough to be able to handle it. (again, not that they are going to.... but they know it's not with mom's stamp of approval, just mom's "understanding even though I'm against it")  Just like they have to wait to drive a car, to have a job, to get out of school......etc. AND.... know that their mom isn't going to think them crazy/oversexed/twisted kids if & when they DO face these things. As I said....it's worked well for me, being so open with them.

Nowhere do I state that I'm a perfect mother, nor that I foolishly believe my kids listen to everything I tell them. Nice thought, but not gonna happen. I'm a parent... but also, more importantly, a friend to my kids. Ummmm..... ask Don on this one. He has seen my relationship with my kids.

Again, I'm not the perfect mother, far from it. But I do my best..... and I think I did fairly well in THIS area anyhow.

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

And uh, yeah...... the drawers that hold "those kinds of things"....... yes, they ARE locked up.  :yes:

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Ummmmmm....... did my big mouth scare everyone off again?  :whistle:

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Many generations recieved "Sex Education" from National Geographic..

I can verify that NG was my first nude female picture..  LMAO

You go Charm...I aggree with you and the same is true in my house I have kids 12, 17, 18 and 20.  We have always been open about sex and the body.  It HAS been many conversations at our dinner table.  Our kids know they can ask us anything and typically the dinner table is where it happens.  But then the car is another place we talk often about such things that many people would cringe at.....

For instance when my, now 18 yr old daughter was around 12 we were in the car together she asked me what kind of job was a blow j0b....I pulled over and we talked about it..That was because I thought I was gonna wreck the car when she asked the question....When that happened with her I knew that she really had the trust in her parents to ask such a question....

I trust my kids and they trust their parents, they know we are not going to give them mis information...We also have kids of our friends that come to us as well in regards to these type of things and yes we are honest with them.  But we also let the parents know that their kids come to us and they are all ok with it because they know us and they know that it is best for them to talk to a trusted adult rather than just finding out from a source that may not be desireable...

Back on topic....If these people are going to police a live event that way then they should police what is scripted and approved because that is far worse that most everything that is live ever is.....

And speaking of being sensored..I was watching the local news the other day and while a reporter was reporting on wildfires a streaker ran right by...He tooted a horn as he ran by the camera...It was quite funny, we thought, and the reporter was very professional and never even flinched...Yesterday Rich showed me that it was on the FOX News website.."Streaker toots his own horn"   We thought that was quite humorous...It was no wardrobe malfunction but, it was only a bare but for a few seconds.....

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Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

This was the only post on my screen regarding "your kids" on this.  Your prior 2:34P post (EDT) was not visible to me.  This is what I saw you present.  The following post wasn't logical to me. It didn't appear as a recapitulation of a prior post because there appeared to be none.

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I didn't see a thruline here,  so NOPE,  it didn't make sense as presented.. these first two paragraphs posed a contradiction to me... There was no background...

you stated the following,

"I mean, my kids are not allowed to VIEW dirty movies, magazines, or internet content..... cause they were taught that it is something for adults, not children"

(I feel they are exposed and ready when THEY are exposed or ready, inspite of, or despite of the parents wishes, concerns, and time frame THEY deem feasible)

you continued with "I just hope my words ring in their heads.... and that they recall how I was willing to be open with them about it. (in case they ever need to talk)"

this made little sense to me as presented.. (without background)





But basically....... my kids are almost 13, 15, 17, almost 20..... and I'm still scared as hail about being the parent of teens."

Regarding what ?  Sexuality ?   or other aspects such as alcohol ?  NOW THAT would scare the (@$%&#!) out've me.  Drugs and alcohol... Sexuality should start VERY VERY young getting introduced to the individual as being normal...something FEW parents are able to do... At least in my parents day.  Maybe things have changed now, yet most of my friends are as sexually repressed and intimidated as their parents were. Having to explain sexuality is naturally strange for people.. because it's something people ARE confused about.. They just compensate for confusion in different ways.. Either appearing extremely "open-minded", or just "doing it and shutting up about it".. It's one of our more primal almost barbaric innate mechanisms.. We haven't a clue... It's just an "animal thing"...It's embarrassing in our culture.


I didn't follow the logic in this sequence of paragraphs without your prior post (which was not visibile). First, you stated your kids are NOT allowed to view "dirty content because it's not for children"...While that makes sense, You follow this with stating you are open with them about "it" ?  "It" being what you clearly state is taboo & off-limits for children ??  There was no logical sequence or continuity :banghead:

I felt that there's little way children can truly feel comfortable when they sense a parent is uncomfortable... MOST parent's ARE inhibited I suspect..... We are brought up to be...



I don't think there's ANY correlation.

It's natural to have thoughts and urges WHEN they happen, AT ANYTIME, they happen when they happen. I'm basing this on the fact that humans don't have control over many "thougts" and basal "urges".. They only control whether they act on, or "react" to urge or impulse... Often EARLY ON is when aspects must get addressed, otherwise you might end up with a very inhibited kid that thinks he/she is a freak.. ( also an importance in early discussion and at least observation on part of the parents, is that some urges and impulses ARE healthy even though the child is 4-5 years younger than "average age" of others experiencing them) ALSO, while certain thoughts and impulses might appear as "natural", they MIGHT not be healthy ! As to how much control a parent actually has,  I don't know...Yet a parent can't deem "you are now old enough to have these" because the individual child likely doesn't develop based upon a parents circumscribed calender of "dates we explain sensation A and B". Such inhibition on the part of a parent shows, the kids ready when the kids ready !  Mom's stamp of approval should not be contingent on "AGE" regarding impulses, urges, sensation's, or obsessive thoughts a child has.  In my case this approach created problems, meaning that "MOM DOESN'T approve of a biological event because someone turned the sexual clock too far ahead, hence something's not right".. Kid get's sent to psychologist.


and if a 12 year old EVEN 8 year old has "those" natural thoughts, urges, and desires?   They are too young for what in your opinion ?  The sensations are there (whether you feel they are old enough or not)... what is it they are going to need to wait for ? Two more years for Mom not be appear inhibited discussing it ? If a 5 year old needs to discuss masturbation, they "aren't old enough" ?  Are we talking old enough to discuss these acute new sensations ? To wait until a child is "older" might be presenting something after concerns have set in.  In the case of my parents, "waiting" did just that.. They didn't have a clue as to timing, not because they waited until a certain age to discuss "birds and bee's", yet they felt this was really ALL parents needed to understand about a kids sexual development...Not sure thoughts and urges of kids EVER correspond to parents comfort level time frame as to what's "correct age" to be open in our culture,  yet I shouldn't generalize.   This ISN'T like driving a car, getting a job, getting out of school... These are biological urges and needs sometime's starting as early as 3 years of age, yet don't appear to the kid as M/F,  just something INTENSE... My parents were able to convince me why I must wait to drive a car, go to school, etc. Yet they'd NEVER have any say whether or not I was playing doctor with the girl across the street when I was 4..or even as old as 8.. MY MOM wasn't ready for that.. nor was I ready to talk about it. Now while I wouldn't expect her to buy me playboy magizine as a "right of passage" on my 5th birthday,  open-mindedness regarding human sexuality would've needed to show (in my generation of kid's at least) from toddler on, not just when the parent's felt "Now's a good time"..Parent's were afraid. We sensed that.
In my own particular case, biological needs, and feelings were taking place WAY before any adults thought "they can and should be open regarding sexuality"

My point being... despite what adults thought or think is sexually uninhibited, MOST are, so kid's become inhibited.... to say "8 is old enough to start getting into a discussion" set up barriers, I was already thinking I was a freak....My feelings are parents MIGHT need to learn to become less inhibited regarding sexuality LONG before the kid reaches teen years.

My mom's generation of parent's were like that, and my dad... oh heck... He's about as sexually liberated as the pope...  but my mom thought she was "open-minded", yet she was inhibited and it showed...  She would've needed to discuss this LONG before I was 8... Not necessarily Male vs Female aspects, but a toddlers actual urges and concerns about his developing body. To wait another 4 years to explain sensations and "urges" might cause concerns in the kid...especially a sensitive kid that's aware and concerned over every new and different sensation..  How is sexuality introduced in the less repressed european areas ?  The body is taboo in our culture...We are conditioned like that...Kids growing up around nude beaches probably has it's advantages...



Not being a parent. I stay out've parent stuff... I have no business in it.. I speak from my own childhood... I think parents either are, or are not sexually inhibited, and I'm inclined to think MOST in our culture are... How does a parent deal with sexuality in our culture if at all inhibited ie.. without the child sensing such inhibition ?

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

When I was 12 myparents could take a couplw of weeks off I had all the responsibilies of a 50 cow dairy herd milking 2 times a day half a dozen horses cook clean and still go to school. My sex education at that time had already been formulated by All manner of livestock and bt that time I hjad already witnessed one the true miracles of life by kinds of animals... Birth in it's natural setting. In fact I had probably helped the mother in birth cows horeses and pigs etc. Sex to me was as natural as drinking water or any other function. It was anatural part od prorecreation. In itself it is not dirty or have anything to with morals. Where the morals and responsibilties come into play is when it is part of of a relationship which should be sacred between thr partners involved. Adultery in the basic definition is contaminating a pure relationship with unpure relationships with another especially in secret and lying to the partner. Sex has little to do with it unless you live in this country.
 But Im guess my biggest advantage when I turned 21 I didnt have to burst out bubbles and startwondering who I was I had already been around the world and knew exactly what being a man was. It took some very sophisticated ladies to teach me what being a gentleman is and how to conduct oneself with character, honesty, spirituality and 40 dozen others.  I feel sorry for these kids now if theuy get one bad mark ii brands them forever this is the greediest most unforgiving and judgemental group that ever populated one continent and one of the biggeat reasons is when they reached adulthood they didnt have a clue what real life is about and they still dont. So they want to change society to satisfy their belief system which was totally formed in a fantasy realm because they were not allowed to experience real life when their brain was capable of absorbing all things that prepare for life. Dont think so? Watch any wild animal teach their young and let them explore on their own....

How does one do that     Development and recognition happens in many stages, and slowly developing stages...

Stage one Kid discovers "special purpose" yet has no clue what it will be used for in 14 years....  

Stage two... Kid discovers that special purpose is a team type game...

Stage three.... Kid discovers that special purpose can also create other people... and this kills most of the fun.. Etc...

Stage Four.. Male see's child coming out've womans thingy... and becomes impotant for the rest of his life...Finally the developed being recongnizes that he shoud've taken the "cootie shots" offered in 4th grade, because sex IS gross !!!!!

You need to explain the "facts" of life in stages !   It's a sophisticated process.




It's a pretty good paying job from what I've observed, yet I don't get into providing such services personally, I've never been in that line of work, It's a skill I don't want to learn about intracies of.  It's just not a great area of work for a male to be in IMHO !    Mavin Johnson got one of those and wrote home about it.. Told his Mom about his new job !   He seemed to enjoy his new job.  I wonder how long it took him to realize that he won't be receiving a paycheck.




You're fortuneate.  I will likely die not knowing "what being a man is".  Every 10 years what "males are allowed to be" changes.. I personally don't know what being a man means.... Today it means something different than it did when I was growing up. While I too learned "old school" male behaviour, we grew up in a culture with a "John Wayne" expectation of males..  Part of what defined "A man", was what a man DOES NOT do..  that included "crying",  "showing emotion outwardly". When I was growing up here's another interesting aspect.  "A MAN could NEVER be gay". Some killed themselves because of that, during my upbringing the WORST thing that a "man" could be was "feminine"...  Now while *I'm* quite heterosexual,  I haven't a clue what a man is... I try to concern myself with being a "somewhat reasonable person"... Once in awhile,  I even come thru... Yet gender ascribed characteristics ?  I have no clue, they always evolve.


Pssst, Hey Karyoker ?   What are you wearing ?

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

I think we all try to be the best parents we possible can. With a tv
in almost every room now a days and cable tv it is hard to sensor everything
kids watch. Yes I think kids should be sheltered from a lot of things that are on tv.
My daughter when she was little was flipping through the channels and turned on a
Chucky movie by accident. She only saw about ten minutes before I caught it. she
had nightmares for weeks. She is 19 now and still remembers it. This was before there was any of those parental controls they have nowadays.

I like when they try to sensor adult content on regular tv, but who is making these
judgements. They are worried about the word sh1t, come on. They should  worry about the stuff that will really impact are children.

I hate the arguement it is the parents responsibility to sensor the tv. If you have children you know what I mean. You can't watch your kids 24/7.

I was watching tv with my daughter and was flipping through the channels and some channel with a bondage thing came on. I almost died. How do you explain to a 5 year old why 3 people are dressed up half naked in chains and leather whipping each other. Do I want that on prime time - no!

I think having children changes a lot. I can't see these people in Europe sitting down after dinner with their small children and watching porno. Yes they probably have more nudity, but I'm sure it isn't anything goes.

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[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

 

"Sweety, you have to wait until you are an adult to play that fun game"  


You hit the nail on the head Bab's (I don't mean this in a kinky way)...

You can't possibly explain "edge" play or fetish play with a child that doesn't understand that his/her physiological makeup is associated with male/female roleplay yet...Kid's at 5 however might very well be at an age where BDSM tendencies might begin to come about because usually fetish sets in THAT early in life if not earlier...it's the association between sexual sensation and objects.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

One thing I need to say is that everything we are discussing is so culturally influenced. Besides the fact that I mentioned before about the nudity on TV in other parts of the country, US and few development country are only ones with laws that prohibits marriage under a certain age, such as 18 or 16, depends on the age of consent of the states.

If you look at it, majority of the world, the marriage takes place with kids as young as 12. It's not unusual to see young women at age 16 be married and have kids by then. They are expected to an adult at age much younger then kids in the US. Not that I am condoning that kids at 12 is ready for adulthood. However, when we discuss issues such as these, we also need to look at from global perspective. Don't need to judge other cultures but understand that our view is not the "right" view in the world.

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Seize the day and SING!!!

Steven, has anyone ever told you that you write too lengthy of posts?  LOL  

>The better to confuse you with my dear?<  (your response I imagine)

I'm not even gonna take the time to pick all that apart. You obviously have failed to get my point.

No, I didn't not try to cram what they need to know at age 5, what they need to know at age 11, and what they need to know at age 18....... all into one "sit down session" discussing sex. I laid down a BASIS for them when they were young... to "open the door" so to speak. Thinking that, knowing I was not gonna cringe at the phrase "mom.... (insert whatever question here)"..... that they would feel it was not an "open and closed" subject with mom, but something I would be open to discussing.

Over the years, questions HAVE come up. As they see new & different things on TV, wherever.... as they have their first "big crush" on someone.... as they hear new things from kids at school. So- it musta worked somehow, because they DO come to us sometimes. Not every time, I'm sure, cause after all- I'm "mom". I am sure sometimes they go elsewhere with their questions. But, I've gotten plenty of them.



That was pretty (@$%&#!) rude.
But ummm, pretty much Steven. What the hail else do you tell a very small child? That it's okay to go ahead and experament? Nooooo...... as I said, yes, these are the types of things I DID say when my kids were very young. As well as talking more in depth with them when they started dating.

I'm not gonna try to defend what all I said.... cause it's plainly written, and all true. You said you're not a parent? Well, then, why bash someone for their parenting skills? I think my kids have turned out okay.

My 3 sons, one of whom is married, the next old enough to be dating seriously, the other.... not quite there yet, but old enough to "try things" and atleast eyeball nice looking girls .... ALL, despite the "prime example" they got from their father,  are very respectful of women.

My daughter, though again, not given the best "example" maybe at home... does NOT let boys bully her into things she doesn't want to do. She's not allowed to "date" yet. (call me old fashioned here, but 16 is my set age for beginning dating.... I don't care WHO disagrees with that....) But I do know she's had boys she "goes out" with at school. And, there's has been incidences where she has came home and told me things.... and been open & honest AND had more questions.

So, pick this apart too.... I know sooner or later, the subject will sour with you and you'll go pick apart a new person's post.  :yes:

And why am I scared to be the parent of teens? The whole dayum package....... dating, sex, drugs, alcohol, fast cars, leaving home eventually....... ALL of it.  As I'm sure every other parent of teens is.



Yes, Steven...... maybe "age appropriately" open about it. I would not have explained to a 4 or 5 year old what a dildo is.... I would probably have said some stupid "parent of a young child" thing. But a much older child.... I'd try to explain as discreetly as possible what the heck they ARE. (for single women who are ugly and can't have a boyfriend or husband?  LOL .... )

And what would I deem as appropriate age to be told what info? Hail, whatever age I deem appropriate...... I'M their parent, that's MY choice. If I choose wrongly, then shame on me. But I go with my gut, and hope I'm being an okay mother. What the hail else can you do?

Good job, getting me all in a fluff, right before a job interview this morning.  LOL  Pray I can keep my mouth shut and drop the attitude I feel coming on...... I need this job. Then, if I get it, you wont have to see me in here anymore anyhow...... I'll have a (semi) normal life finally.  :wave:

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Again, I guess you can form whatever opinion you want from my posts..... but no, I am not ..... "inhibited" about discussing sex. With my kids, my sisters, my friends, my husband...at all. When I was very young, yes, because of how I was raised, yanno...... it was a "dirty secret". But after making my share of mistakes at a young age to prove I was "grown up", and learning what men were all about, and finally getting to a point I felt I could go to mom & sisters...... I came to the realization that sex was NOT a tool, or a revenge.... but a natural part of life. And now, it is not a subject that "scares me" to talk about- to anyone. Hasn't for many years. Want me to prove it? Hail, I'll send you a PM with the details of LAST night..... and you'll see how "inhibited" I am.  LOL

Ummmm....... kidding there of course.

Now I gotta get all spit shined up for my job interview, see ya later.  :wave:

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥