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Thats what I thought all i know is from the ft collins exit to el paso is 725 miles... I had the 3 hors right....

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if you all don't post a joke i'm going to tell keith!

ok gotta find one now......

ok found a good one   heh heh heh  

Three men up on a high rise building having lunch together. First man open his lunch tuna fish blaaa I hate tuna fish. If I get tuna fish tomorrow I will jump off this bulding. The second and third men open their lunch and say the same thing. We hate tuna. Next day first man opens his lunch, tuna fish he jumps off the building. Second and third man the same they too jump off. Being that the three men were waked at the same funeral. The first wife was sobbing if I only knew he didn't like tuna I would never have given him that. The second wife said the same thing. Third wife said hey don't look at me he makes his own lunch.

ok something wierd is going on....my first joke is scrolled all across the page....i didn't do it!!  it was ok just a little while ago.....but now my last one is too....i swear it's not me.....

A man and his wife were in bed the man starts feeling frisky.
starts rubbing his wifes shoulder.
She says Honey not tonight I have a Gynocolgist appointment
in the morning and I want to be fresh for him.
The man groans and rolls over.
2 minutes later he rolls back and ask's his wife.
I dont sopose you have a dentist appoint ment as well do you?

Being a fire chief, I've always liked this one.....

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out;
both were faithful and loving wives......however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home they
needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down
next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded
to wipe with that. After the girls finished they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girl nights have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst..my wife came home with no panties! That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her (@$%&#!) that read, "From all of us at the Fire Station. ..... We'll never forget you."

Kelly

A Brit, a scot, and an Irishman each order a pint of Guiness at a local pub. Just after the bartender delivers each man their pint, three individual flies drop into each Guiness.

The Brit looks up at the bartender in disgust and exclaims, "I refuse to drink this beer, pour me another."

The Scot looks on in amazement at the Brit's snobbery, then simply pulls the fly out of his beer and continues to enjoy his Guiness.

The Irishman looks on in utter amazement at this gesture by the Scot, then carefully grabs the fly in his beer by the wings, holds it carefully over his pint glass, looks it straight in the eye, and screams "SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!"




And the obligitory blonde joke:

Q: What is the first thing a blonde does every morning?
A: Goes home.

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C Mc
KJ, FL

Oh my gosh, that's gotta be my fav........  LMAO  LMAO  LMAO

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the old cow was killed.



Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.



About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, an expensive Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.



"What happened?" asked Hillary.



"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me."



"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.



The driver replied: "I said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver, and I just killed the old cow."

How can you possibly drive that in under 4 hours Karyoker ?

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Ok, here's a corny one I just recently heard.   Kinds of one that elicits groans...


A frog by the name of Kermit Jagger walks into a bank to get a loan.
He meets with a banker by the name of Patty Whack.  
He tells her that he wants a loan.
She says, “Well I’ll need some collateral to back the loan”.  
Kermit presents her with a ceramic figurine of a pink elephant
Puzzled, says she doesn’t know if the figurine qualifies a collateral.
Patty tells Kermit to hold on a minute while she discussed this with her manager.

She walks into the manager’s office to tell him the situation.
She holds up the figurine and asks, “What is this?”

The manager replies…
It’s a knick-knack Patty Whack, now give the frog his loan.
And then he finishes with “By the way, his old man is a rolling stone.”

 I've been looking for a "groaning smilie" and can't find one, hahaha.

But that was cute.  :)

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

....i should have known.....you're one of those drivers that poke along at 70 mph ain't cha?  

Primitive Man,

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.
One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a
dead mastodon to the food-preparation area. It was exhausting
work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING.
Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and
they had an idea: They could sit on the boulders and watch!
This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that
ultimately led to television.

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ROBDOG *WOOF WOOF*

Are you sure that took place a million years ago and not a couple of days ago.

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[shadow=pink][glow=deepskyblue]. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

Yep, but television led to soap operas....And soap operas led to the universal discontent of women...and that led to frozen TV dinners...and that led to latch-key kids....And that led to soaring divorce rates....and that led to men once again acting like cavemen clustering together and watching TV football games and drinking too much beer and acting too much like cavemen and having fun without guilt.

And THAT led to the most important invention on the planet...BIG SCREEN TV!

The next big thing will be home dance poles and kegulators in every cave....and that is good.

a husband adn wife were traveling down the highway after a big argument about thier respective families.  niether had spoken for about twenty minutes when they passed a pig farm.  the husband turns to the wife and says "hey they remind me of your relatives"  to shich the wife replies "yeah, my inlaws!"

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All work and no play make Homer something something

the cleanest joke i know.....and you will laugh and probably tell it over and over because it's hilarious



what does a snail say when it rides on a turtle's back



WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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All work and no play make Homer something something

I can't believe this one; taken from the Cave at HR


During President Bush's morning briefing his advisors informed him, "Mr. President, there is a disturbing development in the war on terror in Iraq; there were three Brazilian soldiers killed yesterday."
George puts his head in his hands and nearly in tears cries out"Oh my God, this is terrible, I can't believe it, what am I going to do?"
The advisors look at each other dumbfounded as George looks up in shock.
They then ask him "Mr. President, what seems to be the problem?"
With that stupid chimp look he asks, "Well exactly how many is a brazilian anyway?"

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I can neither confirm nor deny ever having or knowing anything about nothing.... mrscott

i will and i have....i have an aquatic turtle and when i clean out the pond i let him out to have a stroll around the yard....that baby can move fast though....so a snail would think he was on the race track i'd think.....i can't believe i'm talking about turtles and snails and what they think....

this one always cracks me up too....

if a turtle loses it's shell....is it homeless or naked?  

(actually he'd be dead, but since this is a joke forum i won't go into that....)