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I do love her...I'm not sure if it is always reciprocated

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C Mc
KJ, FL

One other question, because I think this can help a person who's advising you, it does matter...


Was this ever defined as a monogamous relationship ?  Had this been a physical relationship ?  Was she seeing any other guys ?    Is it possible that what Isis said was true regarding her showing males or a male she's available at the bar that night, and doing this at the expense of your "date" with her ?   Why do you think she was "dancing alone" ?

Honestly,  I think these are worth some consideration...

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Then let her know, forget the BS and try and solve her or understand her and tell her you do. If she don't return, take a deep breath, be sad, time will erase all and don't let her keep you from living you're life.

My divorce left me depressed for 1 1/2 years, but now I've never been happier.

If you need a Man-Hug I'm right up the road from you on I-4, we can meet for breakfast/lunchdinner at a Denny's and I will buy you a Grand Slam Breakfast!

TELL HER, WAIT, FORGIVE, BUT MOST IMPORTANT LEARN FROM HER. MEN TRY TO FIX THE PROBLEM, LISTEN AND DON'T SUGGEST SOLUTIONS.

Steve,

To answer your question, we have a fairly serious relationship and it is definately defined as monogomous....we spend about 3-4 days a week together....it is also a good physical relationship....

I do, however, believe we are in different places...I think in the long term, she is very impulsive and really doesn't look past the next day or two as far as our relationship goes...

She is carrying around this baggage where she thinks that idealic love is not obtainable or even a good goal, she says she would never get married, and tells me from time to time that she thinks she is doomed to be alone her whole life...it is tough to hear your girlfriend that you are really into be very pessimistic about the future, including your future....I'm too idealistic to hear that very often without getting frustrated

It is one of those situations where she always kinda has one foot out the door...can't quite committ to the relationship...which she says she just needs time and lord knows I feel like I'm going to give her all that time and nothing is going to change....

One thing that I am 100% confident in, however, is that she would never cheat...

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C Mc
KJ, FL

Topher, your story sounds VERY familiar...my ex and I had a similar fight back in August...

...and I can't speak for your situation, but in mine, it was the beginning of the end...

...the bright side there is we're actually friendly now...I had dinner with her last night

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[glow=white][scroll]Live, laugh, and love today--just in case tomorrow doesn't make it[/scroll][/glow]

I'm wondering if he "loves her", or is "infatuated with her".... BIG difference...

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Perhaps you are pushing a little too hard to have a serious relationship, maybe if you just date and not talk about the future she will be happy and not under pressure and she can relax and just let things evolve.

I'm not saying that she is cheating or would cheat but you need to realize that women these days are bigger dogs than most men.  The have been some studies recently showing that this is true.  I found it quite amazing that it took so long and studies to figure this out.  So many of my girlfriends cheat and it really makes me mad.  And they know becuz the sterotype is that men are dogs that there husbands and boyfriends would never suspest...I find it sad.

Another thing is that cheating isn't always a physical thing it can be emotional as well.  There are many facets to a relationship that are emotional and in my experience typically people do not go outside of a relationship unless they are not getting what they need from the one they are with, be it physical or emotional.

I hope this makes some sense.  I am having a hard time getting it out of my brain and onto the page.

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Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

Isis is SO correct!

It's a new world out there, guys! Get used to it. Women are becoming more like us dogs. Myself, I celebrate it cause I learned long ago not to expect more.....Hey, I'm all for a woman I can finally understand and who thinks/acts like I do.

I hope I am wrong, but she sounds like the type of girl who is always looking for something better. I keep thinking about when she said you were clingy. If a girl is in a public place and says that all I can think is- she didn't want anyone there to know you were together. She says she doesn't want to get married - again I think she is waiting for Mr. Perfect to come along. (who doesn't exist)
This type of girl only responds to a guy who plays hard to get. A little of her own medicine. Oh I do hope I'm wrong for your sake.

It has to hurt to hear the woman you love and want to spend your life with, never wants to get married. If you have different goals for life maybe she isn't the girl for you. I think you had a great idea writing down what you want out of the relationship and deciding together what's to happen.

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[shadow=pink][glow=deepskyblue]. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

I'll be serious here for just this minute.

I think you are a sincere guy who has a lot to offer a gal....But I think you need to kinda keep it in check while you date all of them til you find the one who needs/wants that from a guy.....She really IS out there!

But in the meantime, just have a good time and make sure to show them a good time while you shop.

i dont, i right click and save it, photoshop it and load it, that is the view default size of the forum i guess? if you click the photo it will open the new window and go to normal size. did that help? you prop knew that and i'm off on a tangent.

I'm not sure you are being "idealistic" for getting frustrated hearing that very often from someone who you might have sights on as a possible future prospect, however your choice of *THIS* woman as a possible future prospect might not be the wisest move !  She is telling you a few things here !   You must listen to what *SHE* might be telling you PRIOR to allowing yourself to set unreasonable expectations of a person who isn't at the same place in her life currently !






Chris,  IF someone presented this scenerio to YOU ?  What would YOU tell them assuming you stepped far enough back from the stage so you could see the whole act ?    She has ALREADY answered your questions in real.  How much of what you feel is based on YOUR "hope" she changes her mind, yet not based on what she's told you and her recent actions ?



Given all you've stated so-far,  NEVER bet the bank on this !  Maybe she wouldn't currently,  or maybe you don't believe or want to think she could.  Yet this scenerio isn't typical of a person "who would never" cheat... She is going thru some changes now,  you don't know what she can, or might want.  How do you know "She would never cheat" ?

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Here's what it sounds like she's told you (to me).




She confirmed that early this week.. IF you move in on her now,  it's VERY likely you push her away for good !  Give her her space,  and if she DOES want you,  she knows where to find you !  You've done nothing "wrong" yet !   Let's leave it that way.. Give her her space, as MUCH as she wants, even if it means FOR EVER !

God knows,  MANY of us have been in this same place COUNTLESS times,  some things don't change much over the years.....

You feel attached to her,  yet she wants her space now....

We know this as fact from all you've stated.  At least until she gives you a different sign.

She's told you that at any given time, she might need to flap her wings and fly off... She's doing that now,  DON'T try to throw a net over her, you don't capture someones heart by doing that.


Maybe a female can shed light on something here I'm not aware of.. I don't know..
I've been in this same situation, and have found that there ARE times in a relationship there is NOTHING more I can do, except work on ME, and decide on what I want, and whether this person is meeting my needs, and it even pays to expend even MORE energy into something that's not...  You have enough recollection of the relationship with her to answer this question without any questioning from her now !



You two are at DIFFERENT places.. You want commitment from someone who isn't willing to commit


Don't assume blame where there is NO BLAME !  The conflict isn't that she's not communicating with you, she is.  You hear the words, you are having difficulty processing them because it's unpleasant for you to do-so.  That's understandable, but TRY not to integrate reality into fantasy while she takes her distance.

.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

A lot of people who have a bad relationship track record tend to re-run the same
"scripts" over and over again.  She or he does something bad and anticipates that you're going to react the same way that the last love interest did and the one before that.....  People have to figure out how to break out of that repetitious, "Groundhog Day", type of pattern.  Toss a monkey wrench into the pattern and steer it in a new, healthier direction.  That's enough pop psychology for now!  :)

Lots of really good advice everyone....we can now even rest assued that Keith has a sensitive side!!

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C Mc
KJ, FL

heres my 2 cents worth....i think ur playing games if u sit back and wait for her to make a move....she made her move....time for YOU to decide.

wanting her OWN space is saying, JUST LEAVE ME ALONEEE.... GET OUT OF MY FACE....only she knows how long that is.
personally i would let her go, if 1 day u would like to marry someone and she admits she doesn't, sounds to me like ur waisting ur time anyway.

i feel for you, because for someone in love 3 days can feel like forever, i believe she wants out, and looking for excuses.

it could also be that YOU really r being to clingy, to pushy, ( for her anyway ) not trying to be mean but i would start dealing with the hurt thats sure to come.  i believe the writings on the wall.....JMO....

i'll sub a song for you topher, kinda says it all.  this is 1 way to look at it....

I ain't sensitive...I'm aware.

Go in a bar...scan the gals in the crowd.....find one you really want...then wait your turn....you will get your turn....You will get your turn someday with her...Then she will move on.

When she moves on, let her go....And you move on too and stay friends.

Gals today are more the dog than I am..... And that's cool as long as you don't get attached, so let them go then stand in line for the next one, and the next....Just don't get a bad rep for clinging and being a pest or they will blacklist you.

Thru it all have fun and don't even try to be serious....If you need bonding, then bond with you male friends...If you need serious, then get serious about youself and your future. Invest in you, be your own best friend.

Keith, thats one hell of an out look my friend, kinda Wham Bam if you know what i mean...JMO.....if i want bonding u can bet ur arse it WON'TTTTT  be with a guy...ewwwwwww....again JMO

a lady should be treated just as that... a LADY until proven differently.... all deserve respect, again until proven differently... u can't put all women in 1 mold, no more than they can put all men in 1 mold...ty god....i really can't believe u act the way ur talking in here,  i read alotta ur posts and i really can't see why ur so down on women,  women are not objects, they're people too....i think...get back to you on that one....i just can't for the life of me understand where ur coming from....

not starting anything just had to say something....and again JMO