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noooooooo.  sick is more like it. WOMAN!!!!

poor widdle duckies

    OK, now back to read these "clean" jokes



I'm getting an idea for a new creative joke....Yet I only have the beginning of the composition,  someone else will need to build this as we go along...


Charmin takes Keith to the "Snip and Dip" coiffure...

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral!"


What a story of devout love and sensitivity,  the tears are starting to well.... Somebody hold me !!!



,  If I didn't know Milo was actually an animal lover I might be concerned ...
Few love animals as much as Milo....    Yet that "Brave new world" duck.... I dunno,  I don't like the concept !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

oh for cryin' out loud!!   ok, here's what happened....i love animals and when i saw this adorable little family of ducks i had to watch them....i was gonna steer them away from the grate but couldn't pass up the opportunity for a great photo shoot....howeverrrrrrr, i grabbed my cell phone right away and called the fire department and they came and rescued them.  i then gathered them all up and took them to my little place out in the country and now they have the run of the pond and my back yard....happy now?  

[schild=16 fontcolor=DC143C shadowcolor=C0C0C0 shieldshadow=1]milo is not mean[/schild]

oops!  i forgot about the snapping turtle......i hope he isn't hungry....

THis is why i don't walk behind her anymore...i'm still not recovered from the LAST time....and no telling what's she's gonna do to me in may!....

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oh goody!  an opportunity to use one of my fav smileys!!  

don't tell all my secrets kappy....especially how every other word that comes out of my mouth  :whistle: is a lie....

Melly,  You're all yellow !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

hi melly!!

oh god i remember that pic!  LMAO  and you better keep my secrets to yourself too!

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Yeah,  That was the time Milo was teaching Melly about the facts of life !

I remember it like it was yesterday,  You youngun's sure have a funny way of teaching each other about stuff !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

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Could someone PLEASE explain to Keith about "why he's in the doghouse"??

You just picked THE WRONG day to call me names...... sweetcheeks.  :reddevil:

Now, sleeping on my lap, hmmmmmmm, that has possibilities.... gives me a few ideas...... so, a big MAYBE on that one. I'll think about it.  :D

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

(seriously hope this one is not over the line....???)


Superman was flying over Central Park when he looked down and saw Wonder Woman  sprawled out with no clothing on, lying under a tree.



He decided, since he was "faster than a speeding bullet" that he would fly down, have his way, and fly off... and she'd be none the wiser.



So, he does, and then Wonder Woman looks around and says "Wow, what was that?"



The Invisible Man rolls off top of her, and says "I don't know, but my arse sure is sore".

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

OK,  How many guesses do I get ?


Did this happen in Central Park ?

Or Height Assbury California ?

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

....and i'm not gonna tell either....but i promise you'll enjoy it!  

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH! BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - OOOOOOOH. BATH. BUMMER!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 183
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 184
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.

DAY 185
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 186
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 187
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 188
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

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