Karaoke Forums

It was about the phone number she found in my carry-on bag.  :no:

Now folks, I know what you're thinkin', but it's just not that way. I'm not sure if y'all remember my post about platonic friendships? Anyhow, I didn't mean to make that sound so one-sided. I was just pi$$ed about the whole situation...never should've happened, and never would've if she wasn't looking for dirt on me in the first place.
So, to set the record straighter, I'll divulge a little more info, just in case someone needs a different perspective to go on, or some evidence to prove that she has a valid point of not trusting me. But honestly, this mistrust issue has been ongoing for years, and was NOT as a result of this latest dramatic episode.

Here goes....one night at karaoke, I was sitting at the bar alone as usual, when a woman sitting with a group of other people approached me and started talking. I recognized her as a local who I've seen with groups of people before, so I engaged in a brief conversation. She went on complimenting me on my singing, and somehow, finally blurted out that she was trying to pick me up.  :shock:
Then I proceeded to tell her that I was married, and for 23 years, and that I wasn't really looking for anything like this to happen. And I hate to sound mean or degrading, but this woman to me was not someone that I would be physically attracted to, or could even imagine it transpiring.  :no:  

Anyhow, when that was settled, we kept talking for a bit, and I mentioned about another karaoke joint that I wanted to go to on a Friday night in this same town, but mentioned that I couldn't really drive my big-rig through town to get there, or that I wouldn't drive anywhere at all because chances are, I'd want to drink, and then I couldn't drink & drive or risk losing my driver's license blah, blah, blah.
She replied...well, let me give you my number and you can call me for a ride to and from this place on Friday nights. Then I asked, why would you do this for me? And she said, just to be friends. I pondered the implications of this before accepting this phone number, but I took it anyway. I was so worried about the whole thing that she even wrote above the phone number...for a ride to so and so's. That was the end of that I thought. No big deal. When I left the bar and went back to my room in this hotel, I stuck the phone number in my carry-all. And yes, I had considered calling a cab instead before, because I really wanted to check this place out, but didn't want to be stuck waiting for a cab ride back to my hotel if there was any kind of trouble and I needed to leave quickly.
Then, ironically, I find out a short time after this that the place I wanted to go to was no longer in business. The owners sold the bar, and the new owners didn't want karaoke entertainment anymore...something about the element that it attracts....
So, I never did get to use the number to bum a ride, but I forgot that I placed the number in my carry-all.
Then, supposedly, when my wife was going through my stuff for an innocent reason, she found this, but didn't confront me about it until a long drawn out dramatization of a week or so where I was trying to figure out what was going on with her. I tried to explain honestly, but there is no explaining something like this I'm learning. I screwed up, plain and simple!!  No amount of retribution will ever resolve this matter. I think it's immature of my wife of all these years to not give me a reasonable doubt.
Now this isn't what brought on the thread about platonic relationships though, this is a totally different person I was talking about.
But this incident is what's damaged so much of the relationship between my wife and I recently. And after I explained to her that this woman was NOT someone that she'd have to worry about and that I wasn't physically attracted to her, that should've been the end of it IMO. But still, the drama continues. She thinks I'm hiding things, and I keep saying, if I was hiding anything, I wouldn't have put it there!! Doesn't that make any sense?? Why would I put a phone number in an obvious place like that or in my wallet?? If I was hiding something, it never would've been there.  :(

Needless to say, my life has turned to $h*t, and it didn't take much for this to happen. Life and relationships are shallow, and no matter how many women here say that they are in a loving, mutually trusting relationship, I say phooey!!
Men are usually subjected to endless scrutiny by their mates because the general consensus is that men are dogs, plain and simple.  :(
I trust my wife in the sense that I don't question everything she does or doesn't do 24/7, not to say that I haven't thought about it though.

I guess this is my proof that platonic relationships are a hindrance to a matrimonial partnership. There will always be a hint of doubt as to the innocence of a relationship between the opposite sexes. And usually this is a product of the accuser's own self-worth is all I can figure.

So go get a divorce and get out of it.

Then date another just like her, cause you will find they are all like that about that kinda stuff....Or save yerself all the trouble and expense and find a way to deal with her.

They are JUST WOMEN my friend. Find something you like to do for yourself and do it. Stop chasing your tail over them....You are wasting your life worrying about how to keep them happy and secure....Keep yourself happy and secure instead...It's really easy to do once you discover it.

And us witchy little women, we're all just sitting on the sidelines, squealing in our witchiest voices::

"mmmmm.....mmmm,  another man done gone"

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

There is an odd little thing happening all over this country now a days....Google up key words "marriage strike". Read the reasons behind it....discover that Men are NOT required to get married and suffer from it. We can play in the playground all we want without commiting.

Thanks for caring friends. I just like to write I guess. I just wish there was a way I could make this right with her, because right now, I need to stop singing karaoke just to save things, but that's gonna kill me.  :(

I am really not a player, but I guess being emotionally involved in a fantasy with another woman is just as bad.

Oh, did I also mention saying names talking in my sleep?  :(

dude, next thing they'll say is "Hello John Bobbitt!"

If your wife doesn't believe your innocence (even though you were doing something a married person shouldn't do without consulting the wife about it), then I'd suggest counseling, or flat out ask her if she's tired of being married. Either way, you two need to move on! That can only happen if the problem is resolved, or absolved.

Right,  and she knows you aren't home that much,  She's aware she's getting older, and guys have certain needs and she's likely feeling insecure, yet assuming she wants to believe that you are loyal, she has her own insecurities as do we all.  Part of being human, and God knows what else is going on in your lives, and in her mind, additionally you have intimated that you might be tired of being married, and outgrowing her, and you can be sure this shows in your attitude while you are at home... You are going thru a midlife situation yourself,  she can sense this. MOST can when at the receiving end of this.... (to exacerbate all this she MIGHT be going thru hormonal issues too);  She knows you are going to bars, something she MIGHT'VE tolerated yet wasn't thrilled about, to be honest MANY in a relationship wouldn't be thrilled about their spouse in such a situation going to bars (while on the road) if they felt something underlying all this wasn't right with the relationship.

So she DID and would tolerate that, yet NOW (it turns out) she finds another womans phone number in your "carry bag", and although you are probably being truthful to us,  Do you honestly believe MOST at times in their lives would readily accept a story such as yours assuming what you presented to us was your response to "This is why I have her phone number" ?
and you procede to justify it with a story,  "Well she did try to pick me up, but I was married, so I took the number just for transportation" ?   Think about that Perry !

Like I'd mentioned there's usually ALOT more underlying these situations than what's presented here.... When all is said and done,  it turns out both partners have problems that are impeding the relationship, and the actual intricacies are too much to work out by online advice that never considers what we don't know in a formulated guess or uninformed and partial opinion,  you two need help in real.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

So she DID and would tolerate that, yet NOW (it turns out) she finds another womans phone number in your "carry bag", and although you are probably being truthful to us,  Do you honestly believe MOST at times in their lives would readily accept a story such as yours assuming what you presented to us was your response to "This is why I have her phone number" ?
and you procede to justify it with a story,  "Well she did try to pick me up, but I was married, so I took the number just for transportation" ?   Think about that Perry

So, you're saying you don't believe my story? A story can be fictional or non-fictional, in this case, it's the truth.
But yes, I realize what an a$$ I made myself into presenting this story for justification, but if that's the only objectivity I can get for my effort here, all I can say is....you look nice in the pigtails Steven. LMMFAO!!

Okay, enough of this. I didn't know this karaoke thing was going to ruin my life like this. Maybe I should find a new hobby and stay the hell away from bars. That way, I can return to the loner status that I use to occupy and my wife will be happy that I'm a stick in the mud again? She's even pi$$ed about my trying to have cyber-friends!! Think about that one!! Later buddy.

It's NOT the "karaoke thing" at all,  it's what  your relationship with her IS or ISN'T that's the problem Perry..  I doubt she cares about "The Karaoke thing".... there are underlying problems...





Objectivity need not be an answer you will like.  Unfortuneately though,  this is about HUMAN EMOTION..... Our objectivity doesn't help settle what SHE might be feeling just by hearing a story as you presented it, and now with an "Addendum" that's a bigger factor than you might've considered.

NOTHING about these presentations are "objective",  they slant towards the perspective of the story teller.  Your wife has said nothing on her behalf... What's objective about this ?  What I'm saying to you *MIGHT* be more objective than someone telling you something and NOT taking your wife's possible feelings into consideration here based upon sequences and circumstances that you aren't properly presenting when viewed thru your own eyes and wants !



You aren't just saying that I hope ?   I was a looker in the HS photoshoot wasn't I !!
I was young and verile in those days too !!



Or is the chatter in here getting back to her, and this is the type of chatter she's unhappy about ? As you said, she doesn't have a computer, and THIS is getting back to her, Is THIS her idea of "what your cyber friends are for" ?  Let's *BE* objective Perry,  I'm not going to lie to you.... SHE is a part of your relationship too !   It does no good for me to tell you something because it's easier for you to hear it...  We aren't getting a clear objective idea of what your relationship really is... We can't !

My response is based upon many things... I seldom view these from the perspective of a "50 year old male",  or "single male" etc..  THese are human issues... emotion-based situations..... They are real, and deserve real responses that are honest.
What would your wife present to us about this ?   That's VERY important... Without this bit about "The phone number story", initially what you were told is moot. I didn't say *I* didn't believe you, I said you told her a story that *I'D* likely be skeptical of assuming I was in her shoes, given other variables !.. Responses ONLY take into consideration what you type in a post, and nothing more that isn't assumption. There is always "the other side", and there is likely MORE than this in her eyes too ?  Correct ? In terms of your relationship WITH HER, these factors are of no less importance than your own feelings regarding this situation. ALL facts, yet more importantly the feelings of BOTH partners are what really matter here.. It's about our OPINION of what's REAL in your relationship, something you aren't presenting to us in full with objectivity..

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Okay Steven, I accept your reply as an objective one. I guess I was expecting more of a male's point of view with this, but it turned out, you flipped on the Dr. Phil and backed me into a corner.
You told me someone would do this someday, and I figured it'd be you.
These things that I'm describing are my fault, I'm not denying that. I know this is where the mistrust is coming from, and I give her huge credit for overlooking alot of past indiscretions on my behalf and still staying as my wife. She loves me, and I love her. But all I'm saying is, love doesn't mean 2 people have to be invisible or turn a blind eye to the outside world in the sense that every form of contact with other humans whether it be female or male is a violation of wedding vows. Jealousy is what ruins relationships. All of this controlling behavior is based on jealousy and insecurity.
Yes, if the tables were turned, and I found a phone number in her purse(which I wouldn't have been looking in her purse anyway) with a man's name, but with also a brief description with the number, for a ride to, I would've questioned it, but I don't think I would be thinking infidelity immediately, although she always tells me that she wouldn't take rides when being offered by men out of respect for our relationship. She also says she doesn't allow any man into our home when I'm not present, although I have witnessed discrepancies in this rule before. Sometimes, the obvious can be diverted by saying something as simple as...oh, he's family. Yeah, a recently divorced brother-in-law?
I've overlooked alot of things myself and just chalked them up as unknowns and moved on objectively as to not ruin our relationship from jealousy.
Now I'm not going to be a baby about this and try to say that your replies here are just so you can appear to be some sort of underdog or hero with your intellect, but look at it from my perspective also.
But if I'm willing to throw it all out here, I should be willing to accept the criticism, even if it irks me just a little bit.
I don't want to ruin my online relationship with anyone here, so I need to keep my personal stuff just that, personal.
And I apologize to everyone for imposing on them with this stuff.
As of right now, things are slowly improving, which is a good sign that we still love each other. There will need to be some sacrifice of individual needs and wants on my behalf to make it work inevitably. C'ya

The only other option would be for people to either lie to you, or ignore your posts. This has nothing to do with Male vs Female, or Intellect at all. Nor is at an attack on you, or your character,  the bottomline is this is YOUR marriage.  No one wins or loses here except YOU and your wife.. The ONLY problem I had is that in your not putting EVERYTHING on the table initially, since your wife can't represent HER feelings, you need to be as exact as possible.  Otherwise, you aren't describing your situation..  In your initially making her out to be unreasonable, and just about insanely jealous for no FOUNDED reason and then days later adding "Well there was this phone number incident regarding a woman at a bar" you change your story. You also mentioned you were tired of marriage as I recall.  Was that because of her behaviour ?  or is her behaviour because she feels you pulling away...What would SHE say if she were typing here Perry, and why are her feelings and perspective of lesser value than your own ?... She wouldn't say "You've changed and are noticeably pulling away" ?   Honest advice does no good unless you accurately represent the situation you are facing.. Problem is with so many of these situations that become "How do I deal with this problem"..is that the story teller removes himself from being apart of the problem...You are apart of the problem, it's YOUR marriage and you either have to be apart of the solution, or get out've it...  If you are determined to make her "the enemy" and "evil nutty guardian"preventing you from growing and living your life, leave her.  You both either win, or lose...I have absolutely no interest in showing off; The fact that I have knowledge in this related area doesn't mean I get any rewards or ego gratification from typing my perspective.. When you ask for other's help, you don't receive it when they lie to you, or tell you something because they think that is what you want to hear..It's about honesty,  nothing less..  You need to be exact, or else all you are saying is that you want out've the marriage. If that's what you want. No one elses opinion's matter.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

steven i think you've probably helped out a lot of other people with your sagacious  posts....i know i've learned something from them....i remember well how much you helped me when i went through my mourning process last year....i've never known anyone with so much insight (and that included my grief counselor!!)

so.....thank you...

One thing I think this site needs is an editting notice with time and date that a post has been editted, otherwise, we can just go along and change everything that doesn't sound right after reading it ourselves several times, and nobody really knows the difference.
I am not trying to be an a$$ here, but I'm doing a good job of it.
And yes Steven, you have helped me, you've helped me to realize that if I want to be the perfect cyber-buddy with everyone, don't reveal anything that might place a shadow on my character. I mean, who really knows anyone here unless they tell the real truth about themselves?
I could get on here and be a jokester and act like life is one big party and never really reveal any personal life difficulties and people would think....what a cool guy, I just love talking to him. But the fact is, I'm human, and humans need interaction and opinions from others just to get a better look at themselves sometimes, so, I thank you for that. Please don't think that I'm ungrateful for your input or trying to help here. I didn't know about the phone number thing that she found until after my initial post, that's why I brought it up in another posting.

Then, supposedly, when my wife was going through my stuff for an innocent reason, she found this, but didn't confront me about it until a long drawn out dramatization of a week or so where I was trying to figure out what was going on with her.

But I'm guessing that since I was stupid enough to elaborate on this whole thing twice, it's no wonder that I look like a liar. I mean, who would believe a story as erratic and self-vindicating as mine?

Really, I think my damage has been done here already. I should've had my stories more organized and concise. If people choose to ignore me now, that's my fault entirely.

sagacious?...I gotta go look that up.

Grief counselor?.....for me that would be a yellow Lab with big brown eyes begging me to pet him.

You two need to get some help with this.  It's obviously not getting any better.  
It's ashame because it defeats the relationship.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Steven, is that little animated gif someone beating a dead horse?...Are you trying to tinkle me off?

No,  not at all Keith.  Melly has an animated emoticom I like the nice BDSM "whip me" duo..... So I saw this for the cliche,  "beating a dead horse".... I don't like the concept of the guy hitting an animal though,  It does look cruel assuming a person doesn't realize the horse was dead first....So I need to head back to the site, and find something less abrasive....

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Where do you find those things?...That looks like fun

I'm trying to remember where I ripped that off..  I can't believe It's taking thought, considering it's only about a day or two old... I'll remember....give me a few minutes.. Not sure if it was a review forum, or a keyword search and then pix area.


It was some obscure site that had animated weird gif's.. Like this one...

(better PM this to you,  it's not "G" rated)  

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Steven, is that little animated gif someone beating a dead horse?...Are you trying to tinkle me off?

No, we all know who he's trying to tick off here. Steven why don't you just come right out and say what you really mean?
But wait, his replies change magically because there's not an edit time and date.  :roll:

If you really wanted to help my situation, you would offer your private ear, but you prefer to ridicule me publicly....whatever. Just go look at all of my previous postings and you'll notice a pattern developing.
I tried to be nice in this forum, but as usual, eventually, someone doesn't like my being here, or there, or wherever for some self-serving reason.
Have fun, you win, I'm outta here.