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I had a real big fight with my girlfriend and she's gone into "need my space" mode.

Up until now, things have been almost perfect for a while, we were in love, everything was great 99% of the time, but I really f'd up and struck a real sore spot that really hurt her.

I am truely sorry for it and really want to work this through. This all happened Monday night and Tuesday morning she told me she didn't want to see me or talk to me for a while. I've been in a similar situation before with a girl I was crazy about, and learned the hard way that it is not a good idea to try to take control of the situation and say too much.

So I've respected her wishes and given her her space up until now, but I'm am in serious emotional pain being out of contact and not knowing what she is thinking and what is going on.

So my question to all you karaoke ladies out there is what do I do next? Should I just tough it out and wait until she is ready? How long is too long to wait and suffer before I should force the issue?

I was thinking about sending her flowers at work today. No "I need you back" message or anything, just the flowers. Is that a good idea?

Help from the female perspective is appreciated. She is extremely upset and hurt but I love her and need to work this out. Thanks!!

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C Mc
KJ, FL

Make friends with more Martians, and try to find other Venutians.........

There will always be a gender gap, If simple words or actions can cause this, Imagine if you were permanently attached. Look on...... or find a way to communicate that always works. No Communication, No girl.

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I'm Not Dead yet...... But every day Im getting Closer !

It is hard to say not knowing what the fight was about.
I know it is hard for me to stay mad when someone is giving me gifts and
I am not materialistic.
I don't know how long you've been with her. I would think she is missing you too.
Give her a reason to stop being mad.
I would definately send her flowers or a gift with an apology.
I think writing a note explaining your sorry. Let her know you'll give her as much time as she needs because you care that much about her.
Good luck!

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[shadow=pink][glow=deepskyblue]. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

My sensitive side is coming out nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Send her some Beef Jerky, nothing tells a lady you love her more than a cannister  of dried meat. What if she has no teeth you ask? Then better uh hum BJ's for you and more dried meat as well!

See so it is all going to work!

Wasn't BJ and Meat a TV show?

Someone has one thing on his mind.  LMAO


It should be plug your mouth not plug your ears.  LMAO

Maybe a lipop could cure your problems with oral fixation. It would
last longer

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[shadow=pink][glow=deepskyblue]. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

BJ=BEEF JERKY, potty mouth and mind!

BJ's is better than potted meat in a field training exercise, my extensive training with BJ's in the military found that once you get a BJ you don't share. So i used to get my BJ's in my sleeping bag with it zipped up so no one could see. Me being in all male units for over half of my army career, imagine all those men sharing BJ's, Not me I refused!

So besides the BJ's I make, a good one is to google Robertson's Beef Jerky. They are out of OK and will ship you a pound of BJ or more. SO Good!!! They are off I-40 somewhere and you can see the signs up down the Hwy just like annoying Ron Jon's who don't sell BJ's. I would see that sign traveling to Cali from FT Campbell and I wanted that BJ so bad for miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Topher give her BJ's, and they'll never leave you.

No back to regular scheduled program.

This can mean anything from you stating your needs for the first time, something you must do in a relationship, to cheating, to even setting her hamster on fire... It tells us nothing however regarding how to advise you.  It depends on HOW you (@$%&#!) up.. or if in fact you actually did in the eyes of an objective person viewing your relationship.






What you haven't divulged is really what's of most importance in determining a next move..Even knowing what happened, much depends on her as an individual, whether she is giving a mixed message, really wants space, or even intends on returning to a relationship with you... It depends on what happened. Without knowing what happened it's impossible to advise you or be helpful for the very reason that depending on what hurt her, and the magnitude of the event, principles established in your relationship with her, THESE are what determines whether or not it's

A) something that you should clear up without space involved
B) something that can be worked out
C) something that needs to blow over




Also depending on what the fight was about in life couples disagree, and sometimes fight...WERE you at fault ?  or were you honestly stating your needs ?  just because she got angry doesn't necessarily mean you weren't stating your own needs, and necessarily were wrong....Don't allow her reaction to clutter your own needs more than necessary assuming the fight took into consideration a need that you too have in the relationship that isn't being met... MANY factors involved, as stated this is an ambiguous question, and the approach on your part must take into consideration the type of person she is,  and what happened assuming one of you was at fault..

"real big fight says little".   Nature of the fight says alot...

You don't necessarily need a "female" perspective as much as you need some objectivity... These are tough situations to keep perspective on when we are in the midst of them...

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Wow Steve, you really hit the nail on the head here.

OK, here's the situation (please keep in mind I am biased in my sequence of events). We were at a concert. She told me I was touching her too much and being too "clingy," which after 6 months of dating I didn't know there was such a thing. She then walked about 15 feet in front of me and stood there without me dancing to the music by herself. After about 30 minutes of that, I got fed up and went to the rear of the venue to talk to some friends. My GF knew that my friends were back there, yet for an hour she never came to find me. I felt like she ditched me. To make matters worse, one of my friend's BFs had ditched her and she was hysterically crying about him going off on his own and not speaking to her. I decided I wasn't having fun, so I went to my car outside of the venue. On my way, I called my GFs sister and asked her to pick my GF up because she had ditched me and I was leaving (she only lives about 2 miles from the venue).

I started home but then thought better of it and turned around to come back. I saw my GF outside after the show, but she was not at all interested in speaking to me.

Apparently, the way things ended with her last serious BF (about 2 years ago, so its been a while) was that they had a fight while they were out and he just abandoned her in some strange town without any money or her purse and never came back, and she seems to be equating this situation to being the same as that one, with the associated emotional pain.

I think where I f'd up was in intending on leaving her altogether at first, but at the same time I don't like being compared to some guy that just abandoned her in a strange place when I actually made sure she had a ride home and thought better of my intial impulse and was actually sitting outside the concert in my car when the show was over looking for her. And at no point in my mind did this whole thing have bearing on us staying together or not.

If I had it to do over again, I would have just waited for her outside and then had a fight about her ditching me, and skipped all my revenge plots. As it stands, I'm hurt, she's hurt, and we're not speaking.

I, however, and much more concerned with saving our relationship than I am being right, and discarded my arguement abotu my feelings after I expressed that to her the next morning. Am I jsut a putz and should stand up for myself more?? I understand that she is hurt, but I also understand that I set out to hurt her because she hurt me first. That doesn't make it right, but it doesn't make me the complete a**h**e and her the innocent either.

It's all quite the mess.....

As it stands she hasn't communicated with me at all in 3 days...doesn't sound like alot but knowing she's pissed and not knowing what she thinks about getting through this, it has been an eternity.

So there's the situation....

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C Mc
KJ, FL

Ouch! tough situation. I'd be knocking down the her door with an apology.
She may have been wrong by ignoring you, but 2 wrongs don't make a right.
You went way over the top to prove your point in the wrong way. You did try to go back for her, so you realised you had did something wrong. That's a good thing. I wouldn't dwell on who was wrong or right, but try to make the situation better. all you can do is apologize and if that isn't good enough shame on her.

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[shadow=pink][glow=deepskyblue]. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

I was knocking down her door with an apology all night Monday and for a little while Tuesday morning....that's when she told me she wanted this space and won't speak to me....I want to give her the space but at the same time it is killing me have no idea what she is thinking!!

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C Mc
KJ, FL

Chris,  She didn't communicate with you THAT night in the bar, she wanted her space even before the fight.  You've dated her for 6 months, you don't REALLY know her yet... She appears to have been rejecting certain honest feelings you had the night you two went out.. You wanted closeness, she rejected your closeness..

YOU are not her last boyfriend, and shouldn't be judged thru cluttered eyes of past baggage, yet WHY did this happen ?   To me SHE TOO is no less at fault for alienation ?   What caused this ?



If it's any consolation I DON'T BLAME YOU ONE BIT !!!

It sounds like she wanted her space BEFORE this event Chris,  don't take the fall for a pre-existing problem that likely WAS NOT exacerbated by your actions that night..  The problem is SHE WANTS SOME DISTANCE FROM YOU...  You didn't screw up... Give her her space...

Here's the situation it's quite simple...

"She feels you are TOO clingy",  she wants you to back off !!!

Plain and simple....  Back off !

WHY do you want her and feel you need her after only 6 months ?
You don't really know her yet.
It sounds as if you really never knew her,  or she's trying to distance herself somewhat from you..

Your intimate overtures were rejected that night.  That's what caused this,  not your reacting to her rejecting you...

glad I could help !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Hey Topher...I'm not really in a position relationship wise or experience wise to give any advice to your situation, but when I read your statement that your GF says that you're being too clingy...or she needs some space before and after the argument, it might be time to let go my friend.

My take on it is that she wants to advertise that she has no baggage and is open for all takers...I could be wrong.
But then, after the initial plea for space, for her to say she needs her space? Give her space. There's something on the horizon my friend.

It kind of sounds like the 'ole it's not you, it's me.

I guess Kappy and I posted at the same time...with almost the same response!!

Except, I'm not as polished or believable as Kappy.

I agree with Perry here,  ultimately what do you think she'd tell you... perhaps

"we are at different places at this point in our lives. our needs are different, I don't really know what it is I'm looking for, I'm confused"  ?  

She already was telling you to back off before this happened !

I see two possible scenerio's for you

1) Give her her space,  the relationship might be over, if-so rest assured it's not your fault, at least not directly.. She rejected your emotional needs.


2)  Write her an honest short letter, playing NO games.. Don't await a reaction from her, if she responds accept it... Scary as it is...

     If she doesn't, YOU WERE HONEST,  therefore no regrets !


   I know our ages are different, yet in retrospect it's the games that screwed me up, because females aren't telepathic...  Honestly never did.

   Do you want to make this into a game ?  Probably not, it would serve no purpose at this point, she has already set distance..... Be honest.  Yet be honest with yourself as well, and prepare to let her go.. She has taken space whether you wish to give it to her or not..

She was telling you

"You are really getting on my nerves, I'm not feeling as close to you now as you are to me so don't invade my space"

Her dancing with herself, was a means of demonstrating that she's a free spirit, she won't be possessed or trapped... I'm glad this happened now, because this is what could've happened next

You'd find her making out with someone else at that club !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Ah, man, you MESSED UP!!!  :yes:


Just kidding. Actually, personal opinion, it looks kinda like both of your faults.


I would say screw the flowers. Unless she is just very VERY materialistic....... in a situation like this, If I got flowers, I'd most likely drive to your house to fling 'em back in your face. (of course, that's ME, and I have the tiniest bit of an attitude problem when I get mad/hurt)


If you really are starting to care about her you might want to make the first step to fix it, but I don't think buying her something will do it. But she needs to give a little too, her comment was pretty stupid. I see your dilema.


Coming from someone who HAS this problem though ( ) ....... if you really care, and do NOT want to lose her....... don't let your pride stand in the way. If you sit back and think "She started it, let her come back to ME"...... and she is being the same way, you might be just sitting back & watching it die out for good. Too much pride and thinking "I'm right, you're wrong" can cause alot of heartache.  I'm too much of an old romantic, and my way of thinking is to see you go sweep her off her feet, and she'll profess a never ending love for you, you'll both say how sorry you are, and you'll both live happily ever after.
 (yes, I know, that's only in dreams and love stories)


On the other hand..... don't set yourself up to be her doormat either. It really sounds like maybe she's not ready for as serious a relationship as you are, and YOU could end up being the vulnerable one. I for one don't think it impossible to start caring very much for someone after just 6 months. Heck, it can happen in less than that if you think you've found "the one".  But seriously, if she's saying "back off"..... there's something not right.

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

It's not impossible, yet if she wants space, for him to feel




THIS could be what caused the problem to begin with,  she see's him as too needy and dependent on her..


Was this the first time she tried giving him hints regarding "getting too close" ?  or did he just not take a hint prior to this event ?   It's hard for him to see being so close to the situation that the problem existed before he reacted and drove off calling her sister.. Yet in reality, of course he felt rejected by her.. He was rejected by her !   She runs 15 steps ahead of him,  she physically set distance from him when he got "touchy feely". She ran off from him, and even danced by herself onstage ?  I too would've left !

and how about YOUR feelings Topher ?  Do you want to beg a girl to come back only to find out she doesn't want to spend close time with you at all ?

That's where this IS at ?


One other thing Topher,  It might be worth learning from, or it might have little to do with you at all..

Do you tend to suffocate females you feel close too ?  Are you too touchy feely at wrong times ?  do you get "too clingy, and needy" ?

Not trying to insult you, these are REAL situations that can drive anyone off...

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Hey, when a gal decides she needs "space", give her the planet. You still got the whole universe to play in....And make sure she sees you playing.

The only mistake I see you made was at the concert when she "ditched" you, you failed to escape with the other babe.

I would ignore her totally...Then when she finally calls, I'd tell her I was seeing someone else even if you ain't.

Be with the one that treats you best.

Just let her know that you're ready to talk if and when she wants to.  Don't antagonize her any further.  Don't try to impress her one way or another.
Hang on, it could be a bumpy ride!

I agree there. Many people, if they think you are "needy"..... will run like h3ll..... best to keep that side of yourself all safely hidden away.



Keith, Keith, Keith......... I think this guy has REAL feelings inside of him. Sounds odd, since he's a man, but from what I've read, he really may care for her. So don't go trying to twist his way of thinking to yours.

Sooner or later, everyone finds somebody that they want for more than a roll in the hay.... Men usually run from it, but still- I think they do feel it at least once in their lives. And it's hard to walk away and just "escape with another babe" as you call it.

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

First thing is DO YOU LOVE HER?

If you do FIGHT FOR HER!

If you dont go drinking