Karaoke Forums

I thought I had posted this here, but it was in the singers forum, DOH!.
anyway if this has not been posted before, enjoy.
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1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:

a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.

Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water


15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:

a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.

From the legendary Bleeding Gums Murphy:

The blues isn't about feelin' better; it's about makin' other people feel worse.

And from Peter Tork (the Monkees):

The blues isn't about how bad things are; it's about how good it is to know how bad things are.

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Reward: nine yen in drawer.

Man this is about the best I come across.

One question tho'. If I change my name to BB Singer will be able to sing Blues. see I cant even start the first line. ( Note: BB not as in BB King but Bad Blue)

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I can neither confirm nor deny ever having or knowing anything about nothing.... mrscott

Always knew Peter was the smart one....

Robert Johnson, Bobby Blue Bland, Pinetop Perkins, Jody Williams, Hubert Sumelin, Wolf, Albert King, Albert Collins, BB, Taj, Mud, Charlie Musslewhite, Etta James, just to name a few, not to mention all the contemporary artists keepin' the blues alive. The only TRULY AMERICAN ORIGNAL MUSICAL ART FORM.

Want to hear the blues? Listen to my subs on Singer's Showcase:
Have you ever loved a woman
Meet me with your black drawers on

Here's the link to my subs on SINGER'S SHOWCASE:
http://www.singersshowcase.com/profile.php?id=1619

If you want to SEE THE BLUES---go look at my prof.

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"You know that I sing the Blues and I do not suffer fools. When I'm on that silver mic, it's gonna cut ya, just like a knife"-The SWINGCAT

I don't know! It ELUDES ME! Etta, Lady Day, Mickey Champion, Bessie Smith. Sarah Vaugh and ON AND ON AND ON!!!

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"You know that I sing the Blues and I do not suffer fools. When I'm on that silver mic, it's gonna cut ya, just like a knife"-The SWINGCAT

I abso-freakin-lutley LOOOOOVE "At Last" by Etta James... *sigh*

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Whatever happened to Jazz? That's a truly American Musical Art form...

And I love the blues....

Can't tell you how someone once told me how to tell how to write blues and jazz, but let's just say blues was about having part of your anatomy ripped off.....

LOVE the blues... never sing them though...

Blues swing jazz. All are separate entities, but all are interconnected and if you listen you'll hear elements of each in all of them. But they all derive from the same place, the old spirituals and work music songs brought over from Africa and then from the plantations. If you listen closely you can hear the same common roots within each of these. And if you extrapolate it into modern rock and roll you can trace modern rock structure(bass with a horn riff) all the way back to the blues fathers such as Pinetop Perkins and others that developed the boogie-woogie sounds that then went from jazz and blues into swing then early vintage rock and country and later into 60's rock and still further into modern rock. I mean what was Led Zeppelin-nothing more than a blues band. Clapton is GOD. But he's a blues man. Elvis started with blues down on Beale St. in Memphis. Its all there. Hank Williams sang the blues. Go listen to Ray Price's "Invitation to the Blues". So when you're listening to a growling bass groove with a shuffle beat and a wailing guitar solo--you can hear the echoes of the great blues fathers and Pinetop Perkins left hand playing a bass line and right hand playing a horn riff on that piano. Without them--people like Howlin Wolf and Muddy Waters and Hubert Sumlin, there would have been no Jimi Hendrix or Clapton or Jimmy Page as we know them. And in Country Western blues is INTEGRAL to it's foundation.

And for those that love blues but don't sing them--welll get out there and learn a song or two. Sining blues is like NOTHING else out there!

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"You know that I sing the Blues and I do not suffer fools. When I'm on that silver mic, it's gonna cut ya, just like a knife"-The SWINGCAT

Isn't Jazz happy Blues and Blues sad Jazz.

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You can be strange but not a stranger

Have you heard Martina's version? Jeez!!

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