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Heeeyyyyyy......

That wasn't very nice:)

Not ALL of us gals are such airheads yanno.

Now I'm gonna have to go look up a good *man basher* joke.  :D

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Well crap, except for the handbag and makeup part, I'm a girl! Oh well.

 LOL  LMAO


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_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

Lookie what I found while browsing for "nothing in particular"  :D

Some anti-men funnies:)

MEN:

# Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

# Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

# Men are like.....Recliners.
You pull the lever and they lay back

# Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

(my personal favorite)

# Men are like....Computers.
And a smart woman keeps a backup.

(Oh, no, WAIT.... THIS is my personal favorite)

# Men are like....Fine wine.
They start out as grapes.
It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature.
And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.

*Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know."
When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, "Ohhhhhh."

*What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

*Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.

*How are men and batteries different?
Batteries have a positive side.

*What is the difference between garbage and men?
Garbage gets thrown out and stays out!

*Why are men like strawberries?
Because they take a long time to mature and by the time they do most are rotten.

*Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.

*What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.

*How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?

*What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.

*What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

*What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

Okay, I guess that's enough. I'm tired of copy n' paste:)

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_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

The color is different.  Too bad the one doesn't last as long as the other.......... you know, strawberries and grapes!

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the
>>waiting room, where their family member lay gravely
>>ill.
>>
>>Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and
>>somber.
>>
>>"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as
>>he surveyed the worried faces.
>>
>>"The only hope left for your loved one at this time
>>is a brain transplant.
>>
>>It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is
>>the only hope.
>>Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will
>>have to pay for the brain yourselves.."
>>
>>The family members sat silent as they absorbed the
>>news. After a great length of time, someone asked,
>>"Well, how much does a brain cost?"
>>
>>The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male
>>brain, and $200 for a female brain."
>>
>>The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not
>>to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but
>>some actually smirked.
>>
>>A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out
>>the question everyone wanted to ask,
>>"Why is the male brain so much more?"
>>
>>The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and
>>explained to the entire group, "It's just standard
>>pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of
>>the female brains, because they've actually been
>>used."

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

A rather hard of hearing elderly man went to the doctor for a physical.  His equally elderly wife went along in case the doctor's instruction needed to be rephrased in the simple speech they used to communicate since his hearling loss.
"Okay" said the doctory from across the desk "Let's start with some information.  How old are you sir?"
"What's he want? " the old man shouted at his wife.
"Your age!" she shouted back.
"93"
The doctor was somewhat disquited at the noise but went on, "There doesn't seem to be a medical history of any kind here.  Has he never seen a doctor before?"
"What's he want?" Shouted the old man.
"Ever seen a Quack before?" shouted the wife.
"No...."
The doctor passed off the insult and the shouting and went on in his professional manor.  "All right then, I think we'll need to draw some samples first off.  I'll need a stool sample, a blood sample, a seman sample and a urine sample....I'll have the nurse...."
"What's he want?" interupted the old man.
"Your shorts!"

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Okay, who took my pants?

I've been to the patent office trying to register some of my inventions.

I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay, what do you call it?"
"A Fottle"
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She snickered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without telling her about my folding bucket.

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

This is a joke my son invented when he was about six.

8/2=100.
"Okay son, how did you get that?"
"Well, ahm, if you lay the eight down on it side and cut it at the skinny part you get two zeros."
"I can see that.  But where did you get the 1"
"That's the knife I cut it with."

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Okay, who took my pants?

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk.  I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said.  "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff.  Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.  Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh#t?"

only in Texas


only in America

_________________
Join The Karaokle Singers Social Network. Upload Your Music!!

that is too cute

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

The Blind Man and the Blonde Joke
> A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by
> mistake. He finds his
> way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After
> sitting there for a
> while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear
> a blonde joke?"
>
> The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a
> very deep, husky
> voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell
> that joke, sir, I
> think it's only fair, since you are blind, that you
> should know five
> things:
>
> 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball
> bat.
> 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
> 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde with a black
> belt in karate.
> 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a
> professional
> weightlifter.
> 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a
> professional wrestler.
> Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you
> stillwanna tell that
> joke?"
>
> The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head,
> and mutters,
> "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five
> times."
>

New Apple Computer Innovation

Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBreast will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

_________________
Kelley
Star Sounds Karaoke & Mobile Recording Studio


[shadow=black][scroll]You have to respect your audience. Without them, you're essentially standing alone, singing to yourself....KD Lang[/scroll][/shadow]

The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation, "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is
a horrible lie and one, which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am
embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who
did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this
is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will
feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop
traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered
as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I
never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple
of my friends you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.

_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Actually, womens' breasts remind me of windshield wipers........click-slurp(left).....click-slurp(right).....click-slurp(left)......click-slurp(right)..............  LMAO

OMG.....  LMAO  LOL  LMAO  LOL

Too funny:)
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_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

I just got a new one today that I thought kinda funny....


SALESMAN OF THE YEAR::

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Seattle and goes to a big
"everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.
I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers
bought something from you today?"

The kid says "One."

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
day.

How much was the sale for??"

The kid says "$101,237.65".

The boss says "$101,237.65?? What the heck did you sell??"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a
new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast,
so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat
department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he
didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the
automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and
I said, ''Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.''


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_________________
♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

lmao....though the box of tampons are a great deal.......says so right on the box..........."you can go running, swimming, hiking, biking, canoeing, horseback riding........".....for $3.99 that's a lot of fun things to do.......