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I've always thought (and still staunchly believe) that as part of a person's highschool education TWO "must-do's" should be compulsory.

1)  One holiday season behind the counter in a large retail store.

2)  Learning how to cope with anger, loss, and failures in life..

(School teaches us to get the "A", not the average grade "C"... In life we are most at best around "C"..  At some point we should be desensitized, and taught...)

"Look, A is a great thing to strive for...realistically, we can't win ALL the time... So when you fail, or come in average... This is how you should deal with it....These are a few healthy options"....  Yadda Yadda...etc..

This was never taught to me. I feel it's important... We grow up, at best for a short time might be attractive, wealthy, and in control... Eventually marriages and relationships run into turmoil,  loved ones die...and in time we die... We are average people...nothing special... The "A" unless it's ultimate happiness is an erroneous goal. Noone stays "an A"...  I always hated the grading system for this very reason..Grades of C, D, and F become unacceptable.. What do we learn from these grades ?  that we MUST do better ?   WHY must we ?   What's the real goal ?

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

I really havent read all the posts on this topic just wanted to right away post and let you know that beating your wife & abnusing your children IS NOT "STUPID STUFF"  now I will read the rest of the posts.

What an ignorant attitude towards women & children !

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Kelley
Star Sounds Karaoke & Mobile Recording Studio


[shadow=black][scroll]You have to respect your audience. Without them, you're essentially standing alone, singing to yourself....KD Lang[/scroll][/shadow]

Now while "Learning how to cope with rage and anger" in few cases does much when we become the one affected by life's "downers" when we feel like the victim, most of us at some point in life DO experience some degree of temporary insanity.. Liquour coupled with stress has a means of making insanity a landing strip at times... Still,  Anger coping skills that are seldom taught at home or in school these days, or in days of past---(until court order demands one seeks help) are necessary.  Such understanding CAN in fact help save maybe a few....



Keith,


   My concern with involvement in this type situation isn't inferring you can't be "fair" and even-tempered",  I KNOW you can be.  

   My concern is that this guy is going thru helpless feelings of impotent rage, serious anger, and he's out've control..  In such conditions, people sometimes come swinging after a few "swills" with the demonic juice looking for an outlet..  You, (or anyone) in lieu of involvement and visibility playing councelor to an unstable situation become vulnerable to becoming a target just by other's helpless raging emotions..  You enter the frontline. YOU DO become vulnerable to taking "a fall" in their ugly situation, although intent is nobel, that is moot... You become a shock absorber.

View it this way.. A relationship has fallen beyond the councelling stage.  Marriage councelling no longer matters, the relationship is about to end.  During such a condition even one seasoned skilled councellor can't councel BOTH parties..  It's into a tumultuous phase chaotic phase... Tree may fall anywhere !

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Yep... still same opinion...I agree with Karyoker...a man is to be a gentleman with a cool head...ESPECIALLY with his own family. There is no excuse for him I dont care if shes the wicked biatch of the west....just walk away...I would have respected him if HE would have showed up on your doorstep asking you to help him... I do however agree with Isis that AT LEAST you didnt turn the other cheek you told her to go to the police.

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Kelley
Star Sounds Karaoke & Mobile Recording Studio


[shadow=black][scroll]You have to respect your audience. Without them, you're essentially standing alone, singing to yourself....KD Lang[/scroll][/shadow]

I would like to address the name of this thread "CO-WORKER JAILED FOR STUPID STUFF"

As I read the original post by Keith, I realized that knowing Keith the way that I do, when he referred to "Stupid stuff" done by his co-worker  I read it as if he had said "of all the stupid things he could have done, he did this and that was the wrong thing to do and how could he have done that?"

As I read it it never crossed my mind that Keith would be referring to what his co-worker did as being stupid.  As in referring to any type of abuse as stupid, why in the world would anyone hurts the ones they love.  It never occured to me that anyone would think that Keith thinks that abuse is ok.  

Perhaps some do not really know Keith here.  And maybe some who don't, draw their own conclusions because Keith is very much a man's man.  But the Keith I know or feel that I know (as much as one can in an online world) would never hurt any living soul be it animal (horses and such) or people.  

And that is my opinion.  You don't have to agree with me and I don't have to aggree with you and that is fine.  That is what makes this world so great.

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Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

I olny know what Ive read of his most of the times "pompass" (sp?) posts here if thats a " mans man" the men can keep him !





Id like Keith to clarify.. I did not think about this possibility at all as I posted my opinion so...I drew my own opinion based on what "I thought" he meant. I mean I think it was a few weeks ago the topic of one of his posts was KJ splattered...& come to find out hes friends with the guy who got seriously hurt "splatterd" was not a very nice way of letting people know that one of his friends was hurt & needed thoughts & prayers. I guess I just dont get his warped sick sense of humor ????

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Kelley
Star Sounds Karaoke & Mobile Recording Studio


[shadow=black][scroll]You have to respect your audience. Without them, you're essentially standing alone, singing to yourself....KD Lang[/scroll][/shadow]

I've been trying to understand exactly what happened here and I keep coming up with the same bottom line -- there is absolutely no reason to excuse his behaviors against his wife and children.  We can analyze the underlying "currents of despair and anger that must have been raging through the man's soul" or other such colorful phrases blah, blah blah,  but it is still outrageous assault and battery against what are supposed to be your own loved ones -- the very ones you are supposed to be protecting.  This guy needs to be incarcerated either in a jail cell or a psych ward for intensive evaluation.  And Kelley is right, this behavior doesn't fall under the category of ordinary "stupid stuff".

I agree with you Odie.  There  is absolutely no reason for one human being to treat another in this horrible manner.  And the odds are this is not the first time he has done this.  Having been a survivor of domestic abuse and then a counselor for abused people it never happens only once.  Often times most people know people that are going through this type of thing and you don't ever know until it literally shows up on your doorstep.  

With any luck Keith can help his co-worker get some help so that he doesn't continue on this aweful cycle of abuse with others.  And hopefully this man's wife will realize that she does need to leave this man for in order to preserve her life as well as her childrens'.  Too many people die every year at the hands of domestic abuse.

And yes, The choice of words used in the opening post of this thread was probably not a good choice.  

I would also say that if you would like to support any person that is in a domestic violence situation please go here

http://www.ncadv.org/  

and read about the lives you can change by making a donation or volunteering.  Remember these people as the holidays come around.  I can tell you that living in a women's shelter at christmas with children is not any fun (1st hand experience) and they need your support just as the poverty stricken need your help during the holidays.

<added in>  And be sure to visit the section of the website that is called "remember my name"

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Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

Just  my own observation.    The legal system in the US is very slanted towards the woman.    So maybe he found out that he was going to lose everything.   I just had a $100,000 divorce.   Anybody want to guess how much fun that is?    Maybe she told him he would never see his kids again.   I had a son poisoned against me, by his mother.    She told him lies.   He knows this now, he didn't then.   A little too late.

Every person has a breaking point.   It all depends on the situation.    Who's involved.    How serious.    There is a point, where everyone of us will kill someone.   Don't be too fast to say, oh no, not me.     Everyone will kill someone if the situation calls for it.  I don't care if you are a man or a woman.

For many people the breaking point is very low.   Some kids kill themselves when they breakup in high school.   Some people kill themselves if they get arrested.   People commit suicide everyday, over something they believe they can not handle.

If I come to your house and start breaking up the furniture, what would your reaction be?   Would you get violent?    If I came in and slapped your wife or your husband or your kid, would you kill me?     If I seriously hurt them would you kill me?  The line is there somewhere.

It takes a lot to get me angry, but if it serious enough to make me hurt you, then you crossed the line.    You should have had enough sense to stop your actions, before it came to this.    Hit me first, I'm coming at you.     Start smashing up things that I paid for, I'm coming at you.

So... is it your opinion that they guys wife "made" the guy that mad by asking for a divorce? And...that is why he went ballistic beating her & the kids? And...that she should have had enough sense NOT to ask for a divorce but to live in a loveless violent marriage?
Not buyin that Bigdog...just not buyin it.

Its called self control I will be the first to admit that I have lost self control a few times in my life but not enough to for real intentionally KILL anyone. Thats a permanent word KILL.

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Kelley
Star Sounds Karaoke & Mobile Recording Studio


[shadow=black][scroll]You have to respect your audience. Without them, you're essentially standing alone, singing to yourself....KD Lang[/scroll][/shadow]

So in this hypothetical situation, the man felt so saddened over the thought of not seeing his kids that he felt compelled to beat up his wife AND the very kids he "cherished" so much? What kind of weird, twisted reasoning is this?  Or are the kids really just another valuable possession like the plasma TV and home theater center.  Why are family members getting battered over "who gets to keep what"?

If I had caught him touching those kids I'd have broken his legs.

MJK, you just proved my point.   Everyone has a line drawn.  If someone crosses it, then the trouble starts.    You resort to violence.


If you have a very ugly divorce under your belt, then speak.


Take in the whole post, not just parts of it.    EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN LIMITS ON WHAT THEY CAN TAKE.     Some are not as high as others.    I am not justifing the actions.     I'm just telling you what can and does happen.   People have already killed their kids, to keep a spouse from getting them.   They burn down houses, kill the spouse.    

Doesn't say if she had a boyfriend.     You don't know a lot about their situation.    She could have told him, he wouldn't see the kids again.     You also don't know if she abused him at all.  Don't laugh, if happens.   You don't know if he's an alcoholic or a drug user.     Or she could be.

Normally in a divorce, the wife gets half of everything before they go to court. (Without a fight)   You go to court to fight for the half that's left.    She still gets half of that.      This is not right.    It's not fair.      They do it to keep the wife and kids off welfare.   It's enough to make any normal person go crazy.



If he would have given her a weekly beating from the beginning, he wouldn't have the problem now.

Do you know why there are so many battered women?     Because they need it.    

I know you're going to tell me that every woman is a saint.   They never do anything to make anyone mad.    There are just as many bad women, as there are bad men.

Why do you seem to feel that violence is an answer to domestic disputes?  Bigdog
isn't quite as cute anymore -- I'll have to talk to Bab's about this.

Bigdog, that is still no excuse for a so-called adult "man" to go beating on his kids and acting like an idiot. And yes, some of us have no idea what domestic violence is nor do we resort to it in any situation except self-defense--except when an idiot is beating up on kids or helpless animals--THEN I grab the baseball bat....urgent situations call for an urgent response.

I hate to interrupt the discussion, but I got an update.

He showed up to work his midnight shift......The boss allowed him to work it then read him the riot act.....I'll see him tonight when he shows up for work at midnight.....I'll just pretend it's another day and listen if he wants to talk.

Hey, I got 450 bucks overtime out of it  :dancin: , but I'd rather it never happened to start with. He spent the night in jail and I got 450.....maybe he will see the math is working against him and stop the stupid stuff.

Anyway........We are federal employees......We are held to high standards of personal conduct....DWI, domestic violence, sexual harrassment and all other politically incorrect stuff is considered Stupid Stuff...If you do those things, you are stupid....

If he is convicted, he will probably be fired instantly.....That's why I call it Stupid Stuff. 65K/yr down the drain, family gone, house too....Fines and maybe jail time, forced counceling and supervised probation and child support for three kids, and all the rest......Yep, that's pretty stupid if you ask me.....All he had to do was hold open the door for her and wish her a safe trip thru life, then enjoy his freedom and take his kids fishing every other weekend.

As far as their family life?...I dunno and I don't want to know....That's their business...I just want to see then both get past this and learn from it.

I don't appreciate some folks here saying I condone domestic violence...I thank the ones who defended me, tho......I'm just glad my friend is ok and his wife and kids are ok.

This very morning in the newspaper they found a husband who had walked off in the woods and hung himself after a fight with his wife.....he didn't beat her or anything, he just walked out his back door and climbed a tree in the woods and hung himself....Happened just 10 miles from here....I'm glad it wasn't my co-worker, I'm sorry for whoever it was.

You guys can go back to discussing whatever it was. As far as I am concerned this event is over.

Did Anyone Ever Notice That Feelings And Situations Of A Domestic Nature Like This Only Happen To Someone That You Have SEX With...WHY?

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Man Must Know His Limitations -Clint Eastwood

I was gonna keep quiet in this thread, I tend to get mouthy when this subject arrises cause I have strong opinions, (surprise, bet ya'll didn't know that)... but my gosh...... what a weasel of a man you just made yourself out to be.

I sincerely hope... that someday... you are ignorant enough to speak that out loud in front of a REAL man.  And I sincerely pray.... that he grabs you up and beats the living shyt out of you. You deserve it.  I can clearly see why you now find yourself without a wife...... I hope, among the possessions she took, that she had a little piece of your heart too.... and drug it through the mud on her way out the door.


.

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

It's a mans animal instinct. You mate with someone, you feel dominance and think they are "your property".  


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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

I did not say that you condone domestic voilence I said with a statement like this one how was I to know???






Two totally different statements.

or this one



Maybe he'll see that this is no way to treat his wife & family & that life is working against him so he should figure another way of helping himself than to put his hands on them, like a friend, counceling, his higher power, but not violence.A little more important than $ or a night in jail. ( dont cha think ?)

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Kelley
Star Sounds Karaoke & Mobile Recording Studio


[shadow=black][scroll]You have to respect your audience. Without them, you're essentially standing alone, singing to yourself....KD Lang[/scroll][/shadow]