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I have a Golder Retriever.

I was buying a large bag of Pedigree at the grocery store checkout when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her no, and that I was starting The Pedigree Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the Intensive Care Unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. Since the food is nutritionally complete and perfectly healthy, I decided to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, just hanging on my every word, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind the woman I was describing the diet to.

Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, and went on to explain that I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the black guy was going to need assistance as he staggered to the door, laughing uproariously

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All work and no play make Homer something something

I KNEW I was gonna like you when I met you! You just proved why!

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[glow=darkorchid]Musica delenit bestiam feram[/glow]

Hey Steve, how's that diet workin' out?

Thank goodness you weren't licking your butt!!!!

And I hope no one took you serious and actually tries it...

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Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

OMG!  That is too funny.  Thank god I visited the ladies room before I read that.
Good one!

OMG -- this is too funny!

If you made it up congrats! You have an absolutely wonderful sense of humor!

If you actually made this up on the spot in a grocery line -- more power 2  ya -- and where can I catch your comedy act?


And here I thought grocery shopping was boring...

, holy crap, THAT is the kind of thing my father does to people in stores. (Was very embarrasing as a child;)


Actually, when I was a baby, I had one club foot, and had a cast to straighten it. One of my mother's fave stories, is that once, when my father had me in the grocery store, a few old ladies were obviously staring, and whispering about my cast (remember, I was a tiny infant, so it didn't "look good"), and my father was irritated with them, and I was bawling (i was colicky), so my father loudly said "knock it off kid, or I will break the other one"....... yeah... they left in a hurry, and probably had a lot to chat with their friends about later:)


No vocals-- that was hiliarious, thanks for the laugh:)


(my father was actually visiting, from NS, this past week, and he and my daughter were in a store I frequent daily... and one of the women workers called out "you look beautiful today, honey" (to my 4 year old daughter, who is a fashion diva) and my father said "thanks, I do feel pretty today:)"

Mind you, i DID have the next door neighbor convinced that my daughter slept in a large dog kennel in the basement... BUT, i NEVER told them that she ate DOG food:) You have inspired me;)

That woulda made Bill Engval proud Steve..... haha.

Good one.  :D  :wave:

.

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

well, i do my best to keep life fun!  after all, if i can't laugh at the expense of others, where am i to find my fun?!  since i am the product of a methodist minister and a homocide detective, i imagine my brain looks sort of like scrambled eggs inside.  the best part was that this lady was, how can i put this delicately.......HUGE!  she was definitely looking for a way to lose weight.  i didn't even tell the best part.  there was a kid in the next line who overheard the story and kept asking his dad if he could try some of the dog food they were buying!  i just know that when they got home and fed their "Fido", little johnny got a whoopin' cuz Paw found him in the dog's bowl munching away!
if anyone thinks that this was a cruel way to get my kicks, you're probably right, but it won't stop me from making crap up every cahnce i get, just to watch people's expressions!

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All work and no play make Homer something something

I'm sure she will laugh about it when she knows better.

I can see the influence of your parents in your peronality, your keen wit and your tolerance of the human condition. ...or is it the Hunan condition?

I'm into Meow Mix myself.

It just gets real embarrassing when I cough up a fur ball.

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[shadow=pink][glow=deepskyblue]. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[updown]~*~ MONKEY BUSINESS KARAOKE~*~ [/shadow][/updown][/glow]

next time try Lickables hairball gel
http://www.jefferspet.com/ssc/product.a ... ea=cat&r=1
non-petroleum and works like a charm!


and chuck....yeah, they warped me pretty good like bad tupperware.  the good news is i can go from freezer to microwave and back and never crack!

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All work and no play make Homer something something

Difficult habit to break..  LMAO

Does it has to be Pedigree? I ask cos I am sending a large pack of Pedigree to BigDog.  LMAO  LOL

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I can neither confirm nor deny ever having or knowing anything about nothing.... mrscott

Yes, I have a feeling that his avatar pic was taken years ago and he is much larger now...Hence the name BIGDOG

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Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

Not my body.... just my head...    I would like to be able to lick my......

Would that be yourrrrrrr...asssssk me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies....
Hi doggie

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Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

I don't want to get hit by a car...

Oh my God.  That would be tragic!  Be careful doggie!

I'm gettin' hungry. How much is a bag of Pedigree these days?