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Thanks kids  :hug: !

I have never been poor, not really poor. We are living right now in a perpetually on-the-verge-of-broke state, but that is way, way different from poor. WAY different.

I waver between being thankful that I never had to live through being poor, and wondering if maybe it would have been good for me.

My mom was a depression baby--she knew ALL about being poor, but everyone was poor, so she missed out on a lot of the stigma that people have to deal with today. She turned into a hoarder, as apparently a lot of depression babies do. When my dad died, she started going to garage sales and now I swear she owns one of everything. I try not to give her a hard time--she pays her bills on time and has plenty of savings--and if this brings her happiness, it is okay.

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[glow=darkorchid]Musica delenit bestiam feram[/glow]

I moved out  young, and had a baby.  We lived on justy's low income for a year and ahalf in the city, living in a one room apartment, in a really bad part of town... Lost a lot of car windows:) When sky was almost a year old, we finally moved, and Justin found a  higher paying job... that $8/hr, was a huge improvement... but, yeah, we did the mr. noodles suppers for quite awhile:) Luckily, sky was a baby, and I breastfed for a year and a half. Saved money, not buying formula. We never asked for help, or handouts from our parents, although people always assumed we did. I guess, a lot of other very young mothers gave me a bad rep. I ALWAYS had my daughter with me, and had no help from my family. Justy's family is fairly wealthy... BUT,  they disowned us for a couple years, when they found out we were having a baby.

Anyways... life is much better now... slowly moving up:) We reverted back to our old ways when we moved to Ontario originally, because we were ALL living on a tiny student loan... and back in a one room apart. with no furnitiure, because we had left everything we owned in Nova Scotia when we moved here.

Now, Justin is an AVS tech in the air force, and we have a nice steady income we can always depend on, and living in a pmq means no worries about fixing the house, or roof, etc etc.

But, we were always HAPPY, no matter HOW little we had. And we NEVER missed a bill payment, or went hungry. EVERYTHING was counted, every cent was used correctly. We were never even LATE on payments.

My sister is another story all together. Her and her husband can't even GET telephone or cable or power anymore, because they have skipped out on their bills so many times. They have not payed rent for close to half a year, and then, when bill collectors showed up, they took off, without paying. THey have done this at least 10 times. The only phone they can get is a pay as you go cell phone... no one else will do business with them.. and they are ALWAYS quitting their jobs for ridiculous reasons, like "i didn't like my boss", and "the hours were no good".

People like that irritate the hell out of me. If they didn't WASTE every cent they had on junk food, and toys, and clothes, they wouldn't HAVE to run out on all of their bills.... My parents are at the end of their rope, because they owe them soo much money.... (And my parents don't MAKE very much money)... I guess, it is really hard to turn your back on your child. I don't think i could do it.


Ok, yes, a lot of rambling, as always.. but, i felt like contributing.

Gigi.  I try to minimize impact to me if income is relatively low.  I've learned the gift of how to lower my standards to be happy even when financially broke...I can be happy in lavish conditions,  as well as living in low income housing situations.. Similarly I can (and have) had a miserable mindset living in or among affluence.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Oh I agree, Kappy. Of course I wsh we had more dispoasble income, but that is because I like to spend money.

We own a house, we have working cars, we have a little bit in savings (not enough!) and we have our credit cards (too many!) so we are pretty typical. We have been in worse shape, definietly, but we sure don't eat steak every night of the week.

If you don't value what you have when you have very little, how are you ever going to value what you have when you have a lot? Everyone's tales from bad times have impressed me because of the amount of charachter I read into them. Nobody that has posted in this thread so far has seemed bitter, or felt like the world owed them.

If I am ever put to that test, I just hope I can pass with such flying colors.

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[glow=darkorchid]Musica delenit bestiam feram[/glow]

That is very sweet, baby; but I am a bit bitter because of it. I know no one owes me a thing, I feel the same in return. No one will ever help me, but they help "the kids" they find that are poor these days. I chip in a little too. We had nothing like that to help me.

This is still going to look like a pitty party to some. If they think that then they really don't get it. I'm glad for them.

This thread will not last long either. Thanks Isis for helping me to rmember why I am the way I am and who I am. Oddly enough it helps my self-respect because now I don't care what people think about my life. It means nothing to those who think (I am or we are) askiing for pitty. This is also why I actively "dislike" people who are openly and aggressively bitter. They are the ones who try to hide the fact that they feel pitty on themselves. I have an uncle like that. When he is on his death-bed, then I will tell him how I really feel about him. Until then I have to put up with his screwed-up attitude.

Yes life is hard, it is harder for some than others and a lot have had it a lot worse than I. Yet life is not unfair, it is certain people who are unfair.

Fortunately, I have met no one at this website who I can not get along with as yet. I really like this site.

EDIT: I need to add this, there are people now who I already had respect for but now have more respect for after seeing them post in this thread. You know who you folks are.

Sure it's cliche, but happiness comes from within.  Sometimes it's nothing more than a decision, or even a resignation, just a settling at times.  If it's not our fault that we were born,  why make things tougher than we need to on ourselves ?

Even when rolling downhill, we can still enjoy the breeze. Aside from painful periods in life, and certain mental ailments which make it very difficult to experience positive sensation, We decide to be happy. It takes work.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Chuck, I don't see this as a pity party, it's people commiserating. A pity party is where someone wants everyone to fawn over them because they had hard times. I haven't seen anyone do that in this thread as of yet. I think it's good for people to share their experiences with each other, it helps remind us that there are others that can identify with us.  :hug:

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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.)

Chuck,  you have a right to be angry. I've been described as a "wall shot full of bullet-holes that's still standing".  Hey,  It's no bowl of cherries, but we survived.  Did it by ourselves too in many cases.   We CHOSE to live... Now it's time we apply the serenity prayer.. The problem with chronic anger (and no one here know's just what I've been thru, yet it's no one's business unless I choose to present the whole story, and of course no one really would care, why would they? They have their share of hell too), problem is, we can't go back, and often anger isn't productive but it eats us up from the inside out,  there's NOTHING that can be done , there are few who can make up to us what was robbed from us,  what wasn't provided for us... and like our parents suffered pain in the days that medical science was far less advanced, and in many cases it cost them their lives.... MOST suffered from what wasn't understood... in all generations.  Those that are provided for in certain way's today, suffer from lack of what we did have too...It works both ways.. For all we know, we might not be "as full" if we didn't experience some of our hell...

While we have a right to "Wish that children in 1959 had the advantages that kid's today have" given medical science today, even area's of dentistry, pain management, mental health, etc.., and while I have a right to wish my ADHD was discovered 35 years earlier, and not when I was in my 40's... other problems that were never diagnosed that I was beaten for that were physical and mental probs such as near total deafness, which was met with corporal punishment... It only stresses me out to not let go....  At one point I have to decide to move forward, decide who to forgive, and when and what to fight, ALSO what's most important, is to attempt to make certain, the battle I choose, isn't ultimately beating myself up..  Impotent rage is painful.



I respectfully and totally disagree with this.  It CAN be extremely unfair.  At least when viewed from the perspective most of us take regarding certain situations. LOL

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

I too don't think this is a pity party.  I think it helps us all to know a little bit about each other and where we came from.  I think it helps us understand why people say the things we do.  

It also helps to talk about things like this with others who have the same commonality...AKA - Group therapy....

Gosh maybe if I had been rich when I was a child I would have started a thread that was called "Have you ever been rich?"  But the fact remains I was not rich not even close.  I do consider myself rich in many other ways...I have a wonderful set of parents (they made their mistakes, but then so have I), I have great friends and my husband and kids are wonderful too...

So I know throughout my life even though there have been some pretty big bumps, I knew there was always someone who loved me and for that love I was rich, actually that is priceless.....

For many they did not have the love and support that they needed and I hope they were able to find the courage and the strength from within to continue to go on.

My mom gave me this card about 20 years ago, it's great card size and made of plastic...I carry it to this day with me in my purse, when I am going thru a rough time I will take it out and read it...Here is my card to all of you:

BELIEVE IN MIRACLES
When things have gone wrong,
As they sometimes do,
Or an obstacle
suddenly pops into view,
You've got this to beleive
this is merely a stop
And eventually you're bound
to come out on top -
So whatever you do
Just don't quit
By: Emily Matthews


Now that we are having therapy together I think it is time to have a group hug

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Will sing or fish for food!!I'm not quite right!!

as a kid growing up in new york city, i had no idea how broke we were.  my sperm donor skipped out when i was 2 months old, alcoholic and abuse to my mom.
yet i don't ever remember going to bed hungry, or not having clothes and such.  we didn't have a lot of stuff our friends had, but what we had was ours.
my mom raised my two sisters and i in a very loving home.  at about 8, my stepdad came into the picture and we moved to upsate new york into a real house and i had my own room and man life was great.
i do remember in my teens thinking about things and what the meaning of life is and such. it hit me.  we were poor.  dad worked two jobs and mom had a house full of kids cause she made money babysitting.
i joined the navy at 17 and left home.  i haven't lived in new york since 82. it was after this time and being stationed overseas for 3 1/2 years, that i came to the realization that mom and dad weren't bad folks.  they did what they had to do to make ends meet.  i don't ever remember them discussing money and i never saw them have an argument, a little spat maybe, but never an argument.
i was going through a divorce in the late 80's early 90's.  i was at my wit's end.  i called my parents and said i want to come home.  this after 8 years in the military.  dad got on the phone and said no.  there is nothing here for you, your daughter is in texas and the job market sucks. and then he hung up on me.
the moral:  thank God my parents did not give me options to quit.  here i am years later and i got a hottie for a wife, great kids and a great family of inlaws, not to mention my own mom and dad.  we are all close.
during a conversation with mom about how she survived our "early" years she said she did what she had to do.  i remember soup lines and she used to make our clothes.  her clothes rocked.  she made some jackets for me with extra internal pockets.  i learned how to do magic with those clothes.  the other kids didn't really make fun of us, but they did make fun of our clothes until i showed them some tricks and said "oh yeah, well can your new jacket do this" and i would make something disappear.
my mom and dad rock!!!  they are finally at the time when they are thinking about retiring.  dad bought a beamer (he says my inheritance) a boat and jet ski, a kayak and mom has one of those big 'ol suv's.  and they deserve it!
(oh, a side note:  after being together since '72, mom and dad eloped to vegas last year and got married!!)
i don't ask them for money and let them know every chance i get how much i love them.
they didn't give us kids material things.  they gave us a thing called character.

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[scroll]we're men, manly men, we're men in tights[/scroll]

Everybody here has life stories that are so full of wisdom, insight and encouragement!  :worship:  I'll work on trying explain mine in 500 words or less.

Yes. Yes

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I can neither confirm nor deny ever having or knowing anything about nothing.... mrscott

I just remembered a saying I read some time ago by the movie producer and showman Mikel Todd regarding being poor:

"Being poor is a state of mind; being broke is temporary"

Wise man this Mr. Todd.....

Poor?  Guess it is how you look at it.
Didn't have much growing up, and babysat very young to make some money to buy my own clothes, so my mother who work shifts didn't have to.  I saw her do without so many times for us kids.  My father died when I was young, and my mother struggled to keep the house we grew up in.  And without insurance.
Married young, had two of my own children, and all at once was in my mothers position.  My husband was killed in an accident.  With two small children I felt the fear she felt everyday, wondering how would I raise these children and try to give them more than I had as child.  Not because I was bitter, but because I could see the hurt in my mothers eyes when she couldn't do the things for us that other kids parents did.  I didn't want my kids to have to feel that way.  Worked three jobs, and she helped to watch the kids to save me money.  She now was well on her feet and and so willing to help.  I loved my mother more than life itself.  She was the most caring and giving woman I know.  But with all that love, we survived, and I wouldn't trade one single day of my childhood for a minute.  It has made me a caring and giving person too.  And I have to say, the kids are great parents themselves now.  So no matter how poor one is, it is only in the eyes of the beholder.  You just have to know how to deal with the situation and not let it get you down.  Make the very best with what you have.  And when the time comes that you are able to give something back, do it with no regret.  I will help anyone who is down and out.  If it weren't for family and so many dear friends, I would never have gotten through all the pain.

Suddenly I have this uncontrollable yen to reread "Grapes of Wrath" or "The Jungle".....followed by "The Good Earth" and maybe even a flashlight read of "Tobacco Road"......

I never have an uncontrollable yen to read anything that serious. I think you deserve "smarty pants" points

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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.)

We were so poor, I had to be my brother and sister.    :whistle:

let's see, have i ever been poor.......well my dad was a cop and my mom was a secretary in austin before the big computer boom.  i had a sister four years my elder.  i wouldn't say we were poor, but let's just say alot of my clothes were made from the old curtains that came down.  (my mom had a thing for new curtains regularly).  my toys 2X2s and rocks (for baseball, y'know)
that was childhood
later on in life i literally lived in my car for about 2 months.  i lost my job and was too proud to go back to my parents for help.  neither did i go for unemployment benefits or stand on the corner begging.  i just could not do it.  i pulled myself up on my own two, got a job, worked hard and became what i am today.  a multi-thousandaire with a house, two trucks, a boat, and three pets.

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All work and no play make Homer something something

Ah yes, but have you ever been mellow.



It wouldn't make any difference in my case what kind of upbringing I had. I would always want more.

Actually, in at least one way it does make a diff. I am prone to be shallow and petty, more so than a lot of people I have met. My past has helped me understand a few things a little better.

My youngest siblings have a lot of things that I didn't have. There is nothing wrong with that. Are they happier than I was? maybe not. I love them for who they are and I wouldn't change a thing.

One more thing....

I didn't say I or me nearly enough.