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Top 24 Things
We've Learned From the Movies

24. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

23. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

22. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

21. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

20. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

18. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

15. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

9. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year.

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10 Things That Sound Dirty At Christmas But Aren’t

1. Reach in and grab the giblets.
2. Whew! That’s one terrific spread!
3. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
4. Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.
5. Talk about huge breasts!
6. “And he forces his way into the end zone!”
7. She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.
8. It’s Cool Whip time!
9. If I don’t unbuckle my pants, I’m going to burst!
10. It must be broken, ’cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.

(there, since I missed the Walmart on in the other thread I found something else to replace it with here )
I need to pay closer attention!

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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.)

Movies....what movies?? oh yeah...Movies!!  :shock:

Holiday Shopping Fun

Do all you other shopping first, then before you leave (with many bags in hand), visit the glassware stores, swinging your bags haphazardly around. Don’t hit anything, but just enjoy the faces of the employees around you.

For the men: After you haven’t shaved for a couple of days, spend about half-an-hour browsing in the local cutlery store, staring intently (this works better if you own a postal uniform).

Drive around the parking lot at night with your lights off. Then when you come to some shoppers leaving after a long and tiresome night of shopping, quickly turn your lights on and watch the merryment.

Have you stubbed your toe recently? Gotten a paper cut? Then you’re disabled! Grap a wheelchair and get shopping! The mall is never too congested.

Have you forgotten your ATM PIN? Then now’s a perfect time to get money from the ATMs in the mall. Just because you have to try every number combination you can think of, it doesn’t give the people behind you the right to get impatient.

Simple advice: You’re never too old to sit on Santa’s lap (and if they say you are then just have a hissy-fit like everyone else).

If it looks like a type of clothing is about to be sold out... buy the last of it! It doesn’t matter if it won’t fit anyone on your gift list, they can always return it later.

Just because you’ve spent two hours with a salesperson going over every detail about a product doesn’t mean you have to buy it. The salespeople are more than happy to serve.

“You break it, you buy it” doesn’t apply if they didn’t see you (and it especially doesn’t apply in electronics stores).

Have visiting guests that you have to entertain? Well what’s better than dropping them off at the mall during peak hours. They’ll thank you for showing them first-hand the festive color of your local community.

When eating at the mall’s food court, your bags should never have to touch the ground. Always place them in the seats of the table you’re sitting at—even if they use up 10 chairs.

Many gift wrapping areas in the mall are run by local high schools. These provide chances for the students to learn about job situations while providing you with your packages nicely wrapped. Help add to their learning experience by only having them wrap your odd-shaped gifts. Items such as gift baskets or stuffed animals are best.

The people who put up those “No Smoking” signs are insane. Light’em up.

Many people find that shopping with children is a troublesome experience. However, the easy thing to do is to leave them at the toy store, they’ll find lots of things to do. And if this doesn’t work, the lost children’s booth with watch them till you’re done with your shopping.

Ask the salesperson for an item that they do not carry in their store (yet is sold in the store across the way). After the salesperson’s explained to you for the fourth time that they don’t carry that item, leave, and send in your friends, on by one, to perform the same ritual you just did. Repeat as often as is joyful.

When you just can’t decide on purchasing an item, ask your shoulder. Then disagree with his/her opinion.

Hint: Your shopping doesn’t have to end just because the mall closes.

Another Hint: If you have kleptomaniacs in the family, let them do all your shopping, they always find the best discounts.

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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.)

 

Things I learned watching TV while growing up:

Amnesia can be caused by a bump on the head, and another bump will bring all your memories back.

All phone numbers begin with the prefix 555-

All car chases end with a car flipping over a cliff and the chaser's will get out of their car and look over the cliff.

In a court trial, some undisclosed evidence will be used and the courtroom will be shocked, the judge will have to use his gavel several times to restore order, an unlikely witness will be called to the stand and break down with a confession, case closed! Justice always wins.

Female detectives are ALWAYS hot babes. If one of those female detectives falls in love, the guy will either die or be arrested by the gorgeous tearful gun wielding female detective for some horrible crime... and her hair will be fabulous!

Don't forget, if you're being chased by a killer, make sure to run upstairs. Stairs are always available no matter where you are.....

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yep the 555 thing is soo obvious here in NZ

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Dr. Marlena Evans comes to mind! haha!

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Ah yes...  and an unscrupulous therapist who looks alot like her ex husband will be in the mix!  :D

Geeze I haven't watched days in like 3 years... did Marlena lose her memory again??? Maybe she needs to keep it on a chain, before she gets possessed again.  :no:

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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.)

What's sad Lisa, is I haven't watched DOL in years either. But I did stumble upon an episode where I caught up reallllly quick. The old Roman Brady (who is now a new character) had become a therapist, the old Roman Brady (aka John Black) is really not Roman Brady after all..... the old Chris Kosticzek is now the new old Roman Brady ...  :spin:

Is it any wonder Marlena is going nuts?  :)

OMG ol next thing you know Stefano is gonna be Marlena  LMAO

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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.)

Are Bo and Hope still on the show?  Geez, I haven't watched since high school...

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smart girl.. I got hooked again for a while in my 20s... then got frustrated with the looping story line hehe.

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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.)

How many times can people die and come back??? Well, I guess as many times as the watchers stay glued.  LOL

Yeah, I used to be hooked really bad.  Now I hardly watch much tv...must be cuz I'm glued to the internet.  LOL

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Yes Bo and Hope are still on the show. But I don't think they are together anymore.  Probably because Hope has gotten extremely skinny!  :shock:

I'm sure Crystal knows alot more than I do...  :yes:

Does she topple over now??  :worship:  LMAO

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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.)

 good one Luly... and yes!  :yes:

Don't ya just love how someone on a soap gets pregnant and two months later gives birth.... and then ya never see the baby till about a year later where he/she is now a teenager?  :headscratch:

Never mind....I forgot what it was I learned, Did I learn something?  LOL