Good ones!
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| Something To Offend Everyone https://mail.karaokescene.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=7464 |
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| Author: | jdmeister [ Sat Jul 29, 2006 11:58 am ] |
| Post subject: | Something To Offend Everyone |
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE! What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts? Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?! 45 minutes What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo." Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. Where does an Irish family! go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong" What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t" Why is there no Disneyland in China ? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides |
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| Author: | Babs [ Sat Jul 29, 2006 12:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Something To Offend Everyone |
| Good ones!
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| Author: | Guest [ Sat Jul 29, 2006 12:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Something To Offend Everyone |
You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45’s. . . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay. . . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed. . . . you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose. . . . you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. . . . that billboard that says, “Say No To Crack” reminds you to pull up your jeans. . . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan. . . . you go to your family reunions looking for a date. . . . you think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy. . . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. . . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”. . . . you have an Elvis Jell-O mold. . . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. . . . you’ve got more than one other named “Darryl”. . . . you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin’ contest. . . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat. . . . you’ve ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch. . . . your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill. . . . your child’s first words were, “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”. . . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper. . . . your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin’. . . . you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.” . . . you kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year’s Eve party. . . . you’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom. . . . you’ve ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company. . . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them. . . . you’ve ever valet parked a snow plow. . . . you’ve ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature. . . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid. . . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck. . . . you’ve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies. . . . there are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block. . . . you have a Bud Light pool-table light hanging over your dining room table. . . . the strongest smell in your house is butane. . . . you think paprika is a Third World country. . . . you ask the preacher, “How’s it hanging?” . . . you go to a stock car race and don’t need a program. . . . you have a bumper sticker that says, “My mother’s an honor student” at the local junior high. . . . you think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre. . . . you played the banjo in your high school band. . . . the velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway. . . . you have no hubcaps on your car because you’re using them to feed your hunting dogs. . . . you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires. . . . your mother doesn’t put shoes on to go grocery shopping. . . . you’ve ever been blacklisted by a bowling alley. . . . you honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures. . . . anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container. . . . you don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much. . . . you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House. . . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner. . . . you owe a taxidermist more than your monthly income. . . . you’ve ever caught bugs just so you could throw them in the bug zapper. . . . you have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window. |
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| Author: | Crystal [ Sat Jul 29, 2006 1:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Something To Offend Everyone |
 jdmeister!! Those were fricken hillarious!!!:worship:
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| Author: | Texas Gigi [ Sat Jul 29, 2006 1:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Something To Offend Everyone |
Michael it sounds like you have spent time in East Texas. |
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| Author: | Guest [ Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Something To Offend Everyone |
He sounds like an expert. LMAO |
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