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I haven't been anywhere else on the web where people can talk about anything in a mature and tolerable manner without being exposed to ridicule or BS
Don't get discouraged, your time will come.. When it happens two approaches work, "fight well", or "totally ignore". We all get backed against a wall at some point.. There's just a newbie grace period of about a month or 6 weeks before the hazing.
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Now I'm starting to feel corny about being so emotional to begin with.....it's not typically a guy thing,
It is "typically a guy thing", assuming the guy is emotional. I got literally sick from learning how to be "the tough strong male" not feeling I was allowed to hurt, love, and "let it out". To tell males that, and offer them no alternative coping skills for emotional pain is to tell them "A real man is better off self medicating and becoming a drug addicted alcoholic, who's angry, because to suffer and rot from the inside out is "manly" ? If a person is sensitive, it doesn't matter what gender they are, they have to face it, and deal with it...If I'm told "It's a guy thing " to suffer and live in hell, at one point I'm going to say, OK, so I'm not good at doing the "guy thing", sue me. Like biting on tin-foil some things just aren't doable, they get too painful; I'll only be "a real man" within reason...not at all prices..it's too costly.. To deceive ourselves into believing that "Guy's don't feel, that's girl stuff" anyone who watches TV show's knows how life should be is learning some nasty stuff.. and to be taught that "It's more manly to suffer silently" and live in hell, because it look's better to be tough on the outside has to be evaluated at some point. Why bother living up to such expectations ? I want to be able to enjoy a little life before dementia has me crying for my mother when 90 and in the convalescent home too, another thing "Guy's don't do", (assuming they don't pop a gasket upstairs trying to be "real men". Some of us grew up during a really critical periods of unreasonably strict assigned gender behaviour. It did little good IMHO, ruined many lives; I always felt that some stuff we are taught should be questioned. I got alot of flack for it too, but it's your life, do what you need to do for you...A "real man" today allows for behaviour "A real man" twenty years ago never considered. perhap's with enough creativity, you can be a "cutting edge" real man of 2020
I was told I'd be beaten to a pulp if I ever came home with a pierced ear. That sissy's do that...I constantly heard "A man does this, and doesn't do that"...Same people that told me that, also had some pretty nasty psychosomatic diseases though, Either ulcers, or something as the result of heavy drinking as a coping mech, because "A man numbs the pain somehow" many were quite hypertensive, smoked excessively, and ironically when "real men" got together and "drank with the guys", a few would get really sensitive and do the "macho thing" and cry about the good times and start hugging
. Pretty Ironic.
There's a huge difference between expressing emotion, discussing feelings, and than letting stuff go. I think what most find annoying is the person who's incessantly whining, and complaining.. flagrantly being offensive annoying people with negative stuff.. (Depending on context, if the topic people want to talk about in a general topic area is rekindling old relationships, and exchanging philosophies without resorting to ad hominem retort, it seems to fit well within the parameter's of "Just about anything goes here". It doesn't have to be offensive). Alot of stuff seems corny... artistic people admitting they are capable of feeling thing's intensely hardly seems corny IMHO, and unless profoundly emotional people become stoic, there's little you can do about it, so why never even admit to it ? That seems too guarded IMHO.. We can make decisions to try to change, maybe try to fool ourselves into thinking we have a different make-up, a less sensitive one, assuming that can work, not sure, yet to try to do that, a person still must be in touch with what they are feeling, and running away from. Otherwise it boomerangs; We have to be really sick of something to make that drastic a change in "What we are".. Anyone who feel's compelled to rip posts apart because "Men don't type that", (assuming I'm just describing my perspective, and not jumping around here in pigtails flicking my wrists. or doing the stuff I do on AOL) has deeper issues with their sexual identity than I have with my own sorry bicurious sub f ISO DomF butt.
That lecture aside, if *I* inferred anything to make you feel that being highly emotional isn't a "guy thing", I apologise, that wasn't at all what I meant to convey, What I meant to imply was that emotions can be exhausting, and generate alot of pain, relationships are tough, noone want's to be the bearer, or recipient of the news "I don't love you or enjoy being around you anymore, I'm leaving"; Last thing I feel is "being too emotional" is admitting confusion regarding relationships.. and mixed feelings.. Yet also remember, we are just people that are gabbing. If a relationship of many years is having a slump, it could be many things...TRY to work it out...Midlife head stuff plays alot of games on us.... Don't throw in the towel until you've really attempted to look at your situation from as many angles as you possibly can.. People that love us should never be thought of as throw away items...
I'd at least try going to a counselor and seeing if someone that hears both of you has another perspective.. It's always better to try hard to work stuff out.
I got sick of "acting like a real man", that shouldn't be an act. Nice thing is, in a few day's I'll be 50. At 50 I'm too old to be a "real man", Being a real man is for the youngsters...I'll just be a dwindling heterosexual facsimile of a real man, a poor knock-off. I'm going to enjoy the twilight of my senility as a slovenly low-classed nutcase, it's kind've nice... Let the younger kid's go thru the hell of having to be "real men"... How can an old fart compete ? These will be years that I devote to establishing a signature style of sorts
JMO
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No Kappy, you didn't offend me, assuming I was the one you were referring to?
